In most cases I agree that the WAS will test the waters and do temp checks all the time. They will determine whether the spouse is still around and then quickly move on. I have talked about this in great lengh with my DB couch.
This is why going dark on my W might not be the best approach. In the M she felt neglected and over shadowed by me. She retreated in arguments instead of attacking. She kept it in. She smiled to avoid any conflict. She did for others and always put herself last. Why do I say this? Because I am convinced that if my W feels as if I have completely moved on she WILL give up.
I am not saying I have the answers or that everything I am doing is right. You guys more often than not keep me in check would my text had been perceived differently in Dec? He!! Yes. She is past the anger almost completely, I can tell that by her voice when we do talk. Should I contact her everyday? NO. When I do talk to her she needs to realize that she does have options. That I would consider trying again. She has to feel that level of comfort or she will completely withdraw and throw in the towel.
And what was Jody's advice?
No one suggested you should go completely dark. Just that you let her be the one to initiate contact, to initiate R talks, etc. Let her set the pace.
You can convey that you are listening and still there more subtley. You don't have to go all out sappy pursuit like that on her.
You could have agreed with her text or the emotion behind it - "yeah, [censored] how that happens so much." Or "they say everything happens for a reason, but it sure doesn't feel that way most of the time." Or something about God's plan if she's more religious.
But I am very glad she contacted you and doesn't seem to be pulling back right now.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
