The year of not my problem

[AJM]

Let's face it, I just won't understand the rage. It's bothered me a bit. Not sure why, but I think it has something to do with having to see her again in a few months. Hard to get that out of my mind. I struggle with showing grace and mercy (I am a Christian after all and she is one of God's critters (I think :))
I struggle with it just the same.
What I want to do is to call her a monster and have her never speak to me again except about business related issues. Everything else is text or email and that's fine with me.
What I feel my faith calls me to do is to be graceful and polite should I be faced with that.
What I realize is that I'm dying the coward's death - a thousand times. I just need to face it. What I also realize is that she is not anyone I know. She is, at least towards me, a raging lunatic. She wasn't always that way. Really. We had a good marriage for a lot of years. But now... she is a raging lunatic at least towards and around me. It's weird. I can find no reason that I know of (I'm being totally honest and believe me, I've looked at everything I know to look at) to explain that rage. Other than she chose to. Simple as that.
I'm saddened by that at some times, but not really any longer. I honestly am glad to be away from her at this point. I hate what it has done to my family but I don't regret what I've done and I don't want her back in my life. Not for a lot of years. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Nobody.
I saw her the other day at a race we were both in. I can't even find her attractive. That's a good thing I suspect.

But I keep coming back to the rage. Hence the reason I'm posting - to get it out of my system. I didn't respond to it. She later texted me about some other question related to our son and so I answered that one. But the rage is a reminder to me of what she is and part of the reason I chose to not fight her about getting a divorce. As if it was my choice, but still...

Anyway, enough of that. I did get the medication today (yay!) and daughter's contact lenses. Good day in that regard. Work informed I'll be getting a bonus for some past work I did. That's always nice. The weekend was tons of fun with an 8k race and lots of friends. All in all, life is good and looking better and better. I just need the lawyer to help me finalize the sep agreement and move on from there. I can feel that pressure, but it's tolerable.

Later gator,

AJ