Amazing advice from everyone. In just having caught up with your sitch 2, I have been pushed back on track as well. NICE!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Cat let me get right to it. I have a small new update to post but wanted to respond first
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Yea...I am sure you are really saying that to yourself
ABOSOLUTELY glad you are back. I don't run from the 2x4's just ask Michelle. She gives me a weekly dose. I embrace them.
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This fear is holding you hostage.
I agree. It is. An emotion that i am learning to control.
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I will repeat it, the old marriage is already GONE
Yes. I don't want that old M at all. This is something I keep telling myself and slowly it is sinking in. I want something new something better.
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One of my mistakes, was thinking that all I needed to do, was reconcile the marriage. With little thought was to happen after the reconciliation happened.
I think that the reconsiliation is actually the tougher part. Most people jump back in too soon and never really learn anything while apart. I know that this is a danger we all have. What I need to do is exactly what I have been told to do. Focus on myself and the let the chips fall where they fall. Easier said than done but at least I see it.
Actually, you are making a big assumption there. You don't actually have to deal with it together. You could keep separate accounts and that would be her financial issue to deal with.
Of course this is true, it goes against my idea of a totally committed M. I give my 100% to her and she gives her 100% to me. Her burden is mine and mine is hers. Maybe that is way old school it was the way i was brought up.
I understand your point.
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Trust her to figure it out for herself. Even if you think she is making a mistake, trust her to learn from it.
This is very true. She needs to make her own choices and I can't be a part of them or be affected by them.
of course not. My point is looking forward IF I do save my M then this is just a logistical aspect. Nothing more. In the grand picture it means very little.
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We all fall into patterns and take it from a recovering fixer/rescuer
And I am the worse
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The best thing you can do is let her make her own mistakes and fix them herself.
This is tough. I realize you are right.
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Cycling?
Now it is called cycling, before it was my constant state of mind. This shows progress
Of course this is true, it goes against my idea of a totally committed M. I give my 100% to her and she gives her 100% to me. Her burden is mine and mine is hers. Maybe that is way old school it was the way i was brought up.
Hmmmmm.....
The way things are currently....
She is thinking her..
And you are thinking us...
Or are you thinking you, and how it could affect you ?
What is your reason behind wanting to control this ?
Her burdens used to be yours. And your burdens used to be hers. But then she left.
So now they aren't.
And when you R, you need to learn to be interdependent, not codependent. It's a fine line in actions, but how you view the other person and yourself is HUGELY different. It's not your job to rescue each other when the other doesn't want to be rescued. It's not your job to fix things for the other when they don't want you to fix them. You absolutely need to remaind conscious of the fact that she is an adult and entitled to make her own choices and deal with the consequences of them.
Do you want her to stay with you because she doesn't believe she can make it on her own? Or because she wants to be with you?
Okay, enough lecturing. What's the update????
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
