How do you trust someone who isn't sorry?

[JustStunned]

Hope, this was posted originally by Mr. Bond in VSD’s thread “Turned a corner” You know your sitch better than I. IDK if this could help but as gr8 day 2B alive said it sets a boundary. Setting a boundary you can live by helps. IMO you are getting abused.

You see how quickly he turned things around to make it that YOU are the one hurting him?

IMO, this is what you should do. The next time he starts spewing, when it gets out of hand, hold your hand up and say that you don't appreciate being talked to like that and will be happy to revisit the issue when things are less emotional. Then walk out.

You have to show him that you are going to be the strong one from now on. Not him.

I agree.
This will establish your boundary. It will also earn you more respect.

[Denver_2010]

Hope - I'm sorry that things are not going well for you. I will try to comment more later. I just want to say hello for now and let you know that I am thinking of you.

BITS
Denver

[hope2011]

I'm not sure any more abusive than most cold, selfish WAS's.

So I asked H for the last month to change the fuse in my car cigarette lighter so I could plug in the GPS. Of course it wasn't a priority because its not bothering him and he has GPS. I asked H if changed it this morning and his response was "you bother me with that now"? I didn't respond. I asked for a month, I can't find my way out of a paper bag and sometimes my job requires me to drive through sketchy areas. I have 3 such visits this week and H knew this. I plan to figure out how to do it myself tomorrow rather than depend on him.

4 hrs ago he texted between flights (I was going to type between layovers but with H that might not mean planes). He told me to use GPS on my phone (subscription costs). No apology, no nothing else. I haven't responded. Should I?

[MrBond]

No. Do not respond.

Instead, find someone else who can help you put in the GPS. Preferably a male. And don't bring it up again. You'll have to learn how to do things like that on your own for awhile.

The male thing is that if he finds out another guy did it for you, it's a blow to his ego. But he has to understand that it's what's going to happen when he's out of the picture.

The reality is that he changes marriages the way he changes underwear. He has to start valuing the person he is married to. And if not, he has to be shown that he can be replaced. Take charge of your life.

[2stepboogie]

No. Do not respond.

Instead, find someone else who can help you put in the GPS. Preferably a male. And don't bring it up again. You'll have to learn how to do things like that on your own for awhile.

The male thing is that if he finds out another guy did it for you, it's a blow to his ego. But he has to understand that it's what's going to happen when he's out of the picture.

The reality is that he changes marriages the way he changes underwear. He has to start valuing the person he is married to. And if not, he has to be shown that he can be replaced. Take charge of your life.

This is right on the MONEY!

Hope, nice to see you are back, but not really. I thought maybe you being gone meant things were going great

[sandycay]

Go to autozone or whatever car parts store in your area.... they love to help women put things on their cars... they have installed windshield wipers... fuses .... different things like that for me. Just ask them what to do and look helpless.... I know it's a bad 'girly' thing... but hey.... sometimes you got to use the girly ways for something.

[wanda15]

I totally agree. DO NOT ASK H for help again. With anything. Use your girl power and get other men to do stuff. he is being an a$$ so stop setting yourself up for disappointment. H has pwoer when you seem helpless. Stop giving him power. You can DO IT!

[hope2011]

Thank you, everyone! I didn't respond. 2 hrs ago he texted that he made it there safely. I haven't responded. Not purposely ignoring him, I was out. Should I respond to that? This is his sad way of apologizing - put an olive branch out there by being the first to make contact about something trivial. If I don't respond, he'll act like a child and not contact me or answer me. I really don't feel like responding, its 11 here and though he's in CA, I know he'll be asleep anyway.

Need to know if txts or webpages can be seen on verizon phone bills. H gets the bills and changed his password so I can't look to find out. I don't want him to find out about this site if I come here on my phone.

[LearningPatience]

Hope,
last I checked (and I haven't snooped in a while :), only the phone numbers show up for texts. Not sure about the data/webpages, but I doubt it shows up as anything bout data amounts. I used to check to see how much W and OM were texting, and at the time it was for the best that I wasn't able to see their conversations.

[hope2011]

Thank you, LP!

Well, I still haven't responded to either of his texts. It's been almost 24 hours. I'm not sure what to do here. He didn't call last night as he's been doing, I guess in respond to not responding to him. So here are my options:

Option #1 - don't respond at all while he's gone. That would be a complete 180. BUT he'd respond by getting angry, building walls, saying he thought that meant I was done, etc.

Option #2 - respond, happy, ignoring the argument from 2 days ago. This is typical behavior now for me as I DB and try to keep the peace. He responds best to this... but why shouldn't he? Makes him accountable for nothing.

Option #3 - a single one response of "ok" to his text that he landed safely. 18 hours after he sent it. Not a 180 but a 90... enough for him to notice that I'm not responding immediately, not trying to make contact with him, not being clingy or eager to repair damage from the argument, not putting him first or being his cheerleader. Leaning to this one.

H added me to his FB acct 2 weeks ago. He had turned it off in January, now it's back on. I think he has me blocked from seeing posts as he's not posted anything - or maybe he's not posting anything. Who knows. Our mutual FB friends are all his friends so I can't ask them. He removed my family during his last tantrum when he turned the acct off. Anyway, I choose which updates he can see as I do a lot with work on there for marketing and he complained about all the news updates. So I choose the updates he sees... positive ones about work where co-workers applaud my work (I work in non-profits so it's pretty great compliments about really heart-warming things).... trying to let him see how others perceive me so the idiot realizes what he has. I have only let him see positive, GAL posts. This morning I posted Beyonce's video "Irreplacable" (inspired by Bond's post) with the update "Late night, trying to wake up, 3 cups of coffee and some Beyonce to get motivated and have a great day!". A few comments by friends about Beyonce's hair color in the video so it's not a blatant post to H. Followed up by "pocketful of sunshine", which was used in our wedding video but it's still a positive, jamming song with a comment about the nasty weather here today and would rather be on a beach. Trying to show him I'm GAF, because I am! But part of me feels manipulative for posting that. Was it bad?

I need to decide on responding to him.