Cautiously Optimistic

[Queen_of_Swords]

Scylla:

Glad you liked "liked" the DB page and articles. We BITS have found some of those articles to give us a diff perspective on things just when we need it the most. Sometimes the timing of those articles is uncanny.

I'm sorry you are having a rough time. YOU are the only one who can make the decision when to gie up D or no D. I've said from the moment I got on this board that you can move on with your life, but you don't have to give up. As YOU continue your own journey, you become stronger and present/represent yourself better each and every day. The WAS's are stuck in their little fantasy world.

Yeah yesterday was rough. I'll write about it on my journalling thread, but not right away. I need to talk to a lawyer first, and let some time go past. It's pretty sensitive and confusing right now.

I read an ebook from [edited by dbmod: advertising/book is not recommended] who mentions MWD in his book often. But one of the things he says early on in his book is that people who want a D always act happy. Key word...act. The fog hasn't been lifted yet for them. This was posted on 2's thread by a vet and it brought up a very valid point to weigh. The old M that we have are dead, gone. And we want that because it wasn't working and if we just jump back in, it will only be more of the same. We'd all be back here and WE will be the ones stuck. What we want is a NEW M with our WAS's. Again D or no D. We haven't taken this journey for nothing. Perhaps in hindsight the greatest gift our WAS's gave us was to become better people without them. Their lack of faith and trust in us to make these changes permanent only fuels the fire for us to prove them wrong. At least for me it does. I cannot and will not go back to who I was before. I like who I am so much better now. I was a sad sack of sh!t before. I wouldn't have wanted to be around me either. Will I still fall into my old patterns once in a while? Absolutely. The diff is I now have knowledge and tools that will allow me to not have the same experience as I had before. I will be the greener grass.

I agree with you in many places in this paragraph. I have done a lot of work on me, I like who I am becoming. So much of who I am was buried under dysfunctional behaviour, fear, and "supposed to", I couldn't be my authentic self. I'm digging out, slowly but steadily.

It's not about saving your M anymore. Like I said, that M is dead. Continue to focus working on yourself because it is all about you now. And won't your H be surprised at your changes. That will be the biggest F you! You will have the control of how wide open you want that door to be.

I think he got a little shock this weekend. Enough to bring him out of the fog for just a little while. We'll see. Things need to percolate. Lots of stressors coming down the pike if he wants to go the way he's going.

Hang in there. Keep your positive statements coming. You can d it. In the words of FOBD, BITS never walk alone!

I sincerely thank you for your words of encouragement Zen. I hope you can arrange that DB counselor session that Alamo offered to you. IMHO you wouldn't regret it.