I know the feeling about the "I can't believe this is happening". I wake up every morning and the first thought that comes to my mind, is whether or not this situation is real. Tough way to start the day.
I can also relate to you being at a crossroad. I ask myself all the time is this what I want for the rest of my life. How much can you invest in a relationship when you are not getting enything in return? If you asked my wife that question she would tell you 10 years. According to her, thats how long she waited for me to change before she pulled the plug. My 15 months is nothing compared to her 10 years. This is what keeps me going at this time. I need to show her that I ahve made permanent changes and that I can put the needs of others ahead of my needs. This is something I ahve not shown in the past.
As tough as things get with your wife and she does seem to like poking at you, you need to stick to the plan. Continue to be the new you and focus on being a great dad. Even if your wife does leave, you will be a much better person than you were at the start of this journey and the only person that you can thank for this is your wife.
In a strange way, she has given you the ultimate gift. The realization that you needed to become a better person. I told my wife that if I had died the day before the bomb was dropped, I doubt that my familiy would have even cared. My wife couldn't stand me and my kids were afraid of me. It would be a much different reaction today based on the changes that I have made.
Its hard for someone else to love you if you don't love yourself and who your are. Until you become the person that you are totally happy with, its difficult to expect others to fall in line. Hang in there.
Thanks Punchy, my W has said all of the same. She's tried for 15 years...and I've just started trying.
The biggest issue is she just tells me she doesn't feel love for me, and that she has no idea how to change that and she doesn't see the point in "trying" to love someone. She believes it should be a magically feeling, there shouldn't be effort required to love someone. She compares it to how she loves our kids...
The first seemingly positive thing she's said in weeks yesterday. "I want to sell the house, so we can be free of debt and have fun and enjoy life, and I want to do this regardless if we stay together or not." It hit me like a ton of bricks, the first time she's even hinted at anything when it comes to us?!
I'm still in the game, just having doubts and feeling about whether I want to have this hanging over my head for the rest of my life - if every mistake I make I'll be worrying that she is going to leave.
I also worry that her talking about downsizing houses, and still referencing us is just to make me come along for the ride nicely until everything is done - and then she'll "walk-away" for good.
I assume everyone else deals with these questions about "if" you reconcile, if the potential for her to walk-away again ever leaves your mind?
SIC
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
