Side Trip from Forward Motion

[BeingMe]

I know there are a lot of "fill in the blanks" and thoughts to work out. I have no fantasy about my leaving H and going off with ex ... it was a really good weekend far away from everything for both of us, and we probably just continued on from when we were young ... we broke up because he moved far away ... we were both very young (like 20) and he was influenced by his mom to remain there, otherwise he would've stayed and who knew how our lives would've turned out. We spoke about it at length and I am satisfied with that aspect ... the break-up, for me, was devastating and it took me a long time to get over it. Until now, I don't think I was over it completely. I thought about him a lot ... more than I should've. Even during happy times, I would wonder how he was doing. It is safe to say that I was really, really in love with him then. We have the same sense of humour ... we think alike. We are both goofy, and he understand me like no-one ever has. We constantly say, "I was going to say that," or "I was thinking the same thing," or we would just finish each others sentences. He knows what think all the time ... it's spooky in a way. And, it seems, I know what he's thinking. I had already thought that he was thinking about his SD8. I don't know about his R with his GF, but if he can have a wekend like we had, I would think there is something going on. I know that nothing will change and we will always be friends ... we both said that we shouldn't lose that.

so, here I am ... wondering what my next step is. I'm not that much in a hurry to get divorced. Doesn't seem my H is either. I will be far away from any temptation, and we try really hard not to talk about romantic stuff. We have so much more to talk about anyway. Also, I'm coming up for my yearly MRI, and perhaps that was my underlying reason to give in to temptation and once past that, would be fine. Ex sureing gives the best hugs ... the kind that when he wraps his arms around you, it feels like the two of you become one.

Sometimes, I feel so out of step with my life. Things happen when it shouldn't. Timing [censored]. Six years ago, Ex got divorced and I was going to because of H's EA, but we didn't know that. And he didn't have his GF then. We only got reconnected in the last year or so. So, there is as much as I am going to tell anyone.

I don't know what to do, but next week I go home and will do some pondering. I am looking forward to being there.