Well I know about inherited, but if it's possible, you can still control it. I am concerned that your resentment of having that third child will somehow be read by your behavior. I know you work really hard with the boys now, but kids feel their parents internal feelings. I mean, look at how often you have brought this explantion into your posts, and I'm not fault-finding...I'm just concerned. I know what it is to have a very strong resentment toward something that can't be undone!

I believe insecurity and resentment is more a matter of the heart/mind. Resentment is an attitude. I believe insecurity is a way of thinking.....just as resentment is. Apparently, but IDK, you were influenced by a person or in an environment that planted a seed of insecure feelings and over the years, you have watered and fed that seed until now....you have a big problem. BTW, I don't need to know your history about this. We just need to see how it's affecting you now.

Insecurity and resentment are two things that only you can control. But, thank God....you can control it!! So many things are dumpled on us in life that we don't have control. However, I think you see this problem of insecurity as an inherited problem that was dumped on you. At any rate, it's not too late and you can change this terrible grip that it has on your life.

You don't want three more men to suffer like you have, do you? Those sons are learning from you. You are teaching them that a man is never secure and to worry constantly about what tomorrow may hold. This is not a stable role model. I think that's what you may have lacked at some point growing up.

From a woman's POV, we want to feel that our man is secure in his own skin. We want him to give the sense of security to his family b/c he is the protector, provider, and leader. Whenever the roles are reversed and the W has to fill her role....and the role of the man, then the family unit is in serious trouble. She can offer her children a certain amount of security as their mother...but she and the children will look to their father for the tough stuff. The boys will learn the basics of what it means to be a man and a husband from their father.

So, whatever you have to do to get this problem under control...I think you need to do it. Find a therapist that has some experience.

(hugs)

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!