This is where your brain backslides and tries to convince yourself you are calling to talk to the kids. Bull! You know they are in bed and that your W will answer. Why would you wake them up and disturb their sleep and maybe prevent them from going back to sleep? You wouldn't, so that's when you get to tell wife to tell the children how much you miss them. This is exactly what I meant before, so don't hand me that stuff about "trust me, it's only b/c of my kids that I call". I think you see it as an opportunity to talk to your W, b/c detaching is just too hard for you.
Besides that, why do you have to chat with her before you talk to them....and then you have to chat with her "afterward"? Can't they just hang up after the good-byes are said? I mean, these aren't small children. This is a prime example of what I meant by using your kids! Don't think for a minute she doesn't see through it. Stop deceiving yourself.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
