Wife of 6-Years Wants a Divorce - pt. 4

[alamo76]

i am so sorry, i can imagine the pain you are going through..but can she really move to another state and take your son??

I guess my wife is assuming I will go along with an uncontested divorce, i.e. we both agree that our son will primarily under her care without going to court. You see, I'm perfectly fine (not happy, obviously) with the arrangement right now, but if she goes out of state and I contest her taking our son, she will hang that over my head for the rest of our lives, because the court wouldn't allow her to leave the state, and I would essentially have hampered her dream of being a doctor. Not exactly the best way to win your spouse back. And from there, things might turn ugly with our son caught in the middle.

My wife has suggested in the past that if she moves away, I am more than welcome to move close to them. I told her I would've followed her to the ends of the earth to fulfill her dream IF we're in this marriage together.

[alamo76]

Today my wife and I started talking about the mail...just casual talk. And our son comes over and says, "Stop talking, mommy." And my wife remarks, "Yes, I know, you don't like it when mommy and daddy talk, huh?"

FYI, our son would say those words when we used to get into arguments. And now it seems like we can't even have a normal conversation in front of him. What irks me more is, if you can tell from my wife's remarks above, that she may be feeling validated for her decision to leave because hey, there's no way mommy and daddy can EVER have a decent conversation again, so what's the point?

[Busting Mode]

If she goes out of state and I contest her taking our son, she will hang that over my head for the rest of our lives, because the court wouldn't allow her to leave the state, and I would essentially have hampered her dream of being a doctor. [quote]

INHO you must let her pursue her dream.

[quote=alamo76]Not exactly the best way to win your spouse back.

Or it maybe it is the way precisely.

And from there, things might turn ugly with our son caught in the middle.

Or they might turn beautiful with your son liberated in the middle.

My wife has suggested in the past that if she moves away, I am more than welcome to move close to them.

That sounds like either an invitation or a dare. Either way, it looks to me like a door.

I told her I would've followed her to the ends of the earth to fulfill her dream IF we're in this marriage together.

Big talk. Big escape clause.

I have a similar thing going on where not contesting my divorce will result in my not even being able to be in the same country as her for 5 years.

Right now her signed divorce papers are on my desk for me to sign them and send them back.

And right now I am doing everything I can to keep her talking and going to counseling with me.

In the end, if our talks and conversations don't pan out the way I want, I know I will let her go and accept being exiled from her.

Because it was important enough to her to do it.

And I love her.

Not faint-heartedly.
Invincibly.

[Busting Mode]

messed up the quote codes a bit but hopefully it was clear

[sandi2]

Thank you so much for letting us know how your son is doing. Poor little guy! Had a similar situation with my first child and didn't realize how quickly they could get into some serious trouble.

I don't know what to tell you about W taking son out of state. If you feel comfortable about his welfare, then maybe you could just talk to a lawyer to see what other alternatives there might be to protect your rights as his father. For example, knowing where he's living and the daycare, etc.

I agree that it would be putting a nail in the M cofin to prevent her pursuing her medical career. (Does she have to move out of state to become a doctor?)(Never mind)It's best to keep a good cooperated R with the mother of your child, but I think you should know all of the options available.

I'm concerned that when she moves off into another state, the chances to R will lessen. That's why it's so important to be able to move on and focus on a life without her in the center of it.

[alamo76]

Busting - As usual, I can rely on your to see the positives in all the negatives. I don't want to be too aggressive when it comes to having fair custody of our son, so moving close to them IS an option I'm considering. I'm trying to think of it as something I want to do for our son, and not think of myself as a doormat for her; She and others can think what they want. I keep telling people it's much easier to give space to your spouse when you don't have children that the two share a close relationship with.

Sandi - I know my wife has our son's best interest in mind, divorce not withstanding. However I want to maintain a close relationship - emotionally and geographically - with him. Moving on is easy, but I have to consider my boy when making decisions like this. Ideally, it would be awesome if my wife remained in the state, but she only has one prospective Californian hospital that might accept her. Otherwise, we're looking at out of state, either mid-west or east coast. If I move, I'm not looking forward to it; I have to job-hunt all over again. Or I can go back to school, which means I have to get on the ball with GREs and applications.

[alamo76]

Or they might turn beautiful with your son liberated in the middle.

Not sure what you meant here...

Big talk. big escape clause.

Or here...

[zengypsy]

I agree with Sandi, Alamo. Right now it's all about YOU and your son. Spending time with him for the BOTH of you. Your W is not part of the equation at the moment. Hopefully she can be again at some point, but for now keep the focus where it needs to be.

Hey Zen, I can't remember where I posted, but I recall you saying you haven't had a chance to talk to a DB coach yet, is that correct?

BTW, I agree with all y'all input. i'll stay on the downlow until things settle down on all fronts. I need patience, dangit! My wife wants file in June, so I feel desperate at times. I know I shouldn't, but I do.

Alamo...yes this is true. I apologize for not being on the boards much these days, but the truth is my sitch remains status quo so there has been nothing to really discuss. My D will be final in 20 days now.

I know you had offered me your last DB session and I greatly appreciate that. I think I had mentioned at this juncture I'm not sure what benefit it will have for me? I greatly appreciate your generous offer.

[alamo76]

Zen - No worries. I'm saying a prayer for your right now regarding your situation. It's never too late for the Big Guy upstairs, ya know? Thanks for dropping in and letting me know how you're doing, Zen!

[zengypsy]

Zen - No worries. I'm saying a prayer for your right now regarding your situation. It's never too late for the Big Guy upstairs, ya know? Thanks for dropping in and letting me know how you're doing, Zen!

Thank you so much for your kind words. I've got so many people praying for my and my H, that God must be like on overload!!! ;-)

If you thought that the DB session would help me still even though my D is emminent, I would strongly consider your offer. I don't want to neccessarily miss out on a great opp. I would welcome your thoughts.