Wow - hard to believe that it's been this long (nearly 7 months) since I last posted on a thread to call my own. I have been lurking quite a bit - attempting to learn from all of you. Anyway - here's the link back to what I have posted:
A lot of things have happened since the beginning of August:
Celebrated another birthday (I think I remembered to update my signature line - but you know how that goes...)
The painters FINALLY finished their stuff on the house that we were going to sell,
Had to do some other things (new carpeting, landscaping, etc) before we put the house on the market at the beginning of this year,
Needed to sell off most of my remaining 401K to keep things going,
Celebrated Christmas (W had the kids for the first half of Christmas break). She waited until Christmas morning to e-mail me if I was going to be home so the kids and I could exchange gifts, and
put the house on the market and found a buyer who will close in a couple of weeks!
Once the house gets off of our hands, we can finally finish the sep agreement and sign it. It looks like W is going to owe me quite a bit since she still has a sizeable amount in her 401K and all of the money I shelled out to get the house ready for sale plus handling the kids' school tuition for next school year.
Interactions with W have been decent enough (we don't see each other very much - primarily phone and e-mail contacts). I do suspect based on her behavior that W is actively seeing someone (and likely went away for the weekend while I had the kids a couple of weekends ago) but that is really none of my concern as long as the kids are not involved...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
Heard that one of my friends and co-workers passed away during the weekend. Clint was a hard worker and a friend - in the neighborhood of ten years younger than me. He left a good W and two young daughters to carry on...
More often than not, events like these reinforces that my struggles - my tribulations - seem so trivial compared to what others (such as Wii and the rest of you on these boards) are going through. And that God does not give any of us more of what we are capable of handling.
There is a reason behind all of this. I wish I knew what that reason was ...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
Been somewhat busy with work and kid stuff the past couple of days. The funeral service for my co-worker is coming up this weekend so I will plan on going to that. I don't have the kids this weekend so it makes going a heck of a lot easier...
Since I heard Monday morning of his passing, I've been cycling back to nearly two years ago when a good friend who I met way back in 1992 passed away. Another good man leaving a wife and two kids (albeit much older than my co-worker's daughters). At the time, I told W that I really wanted to attend my friend's funeral and wake and needed her help since it was on a weekday when I had the kids. W didn't budge - said that it was enough that I went to the visitation. The sad thing was that W was also friends with the guy. One of those things I just have to let go of so that I can truly move on...
Things are being taken care of moving towards the house sale later this month. I strongly suspect that on that date or a couple of days later, I'll receive something in the mail from the courts saying that W has officially filed. Should it come, it will sting a bit but most of my grieving has passed.
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
The day has been a real mix of emotions. I did go to the funeral service for my co-worker and it moved me greatly. I really don't understand why someone who is 10 years younger than I am with a wonderful W and two daughters passed on so soon. There are some things that happen that are beyond explanation. And maybe this has put the bug in my ear that there are things that I am meant to accomplish before I shuffle off this mortal coil.
Maybe I should not know these things ...
What I do know is that my S is going to be 12 tomorrow. W has the kids this weekend. As of this moment, she hasn't made any outreach to me. Although I have things I need to do at the old house to get it closer to closing, I will call him to wish him a very Happy Birthday.
The ball is W's court - let's see what she chooses to do with it...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
I was over at the house we're selling taking down the swing set (something the buyers did not want) and installing a GFCI outlet on the deck when W called. We made arrangements to get all of us together at a nearby restaurant to have a late lunch and celebrate S's birthday. It was good and S enjoyed his presents and cake - which is the most important thing...
Today I had my monthly appointment with my IC and the session went pretty well. A lot to fill him in on concerning the house sale, the passing of my co-worker and W's recent suspicious activities. IC agreed with my suspicions that W apparently has someone new in her life and took the opportunity last month to enjoy a weekend with him while I had the kids. It's her life to decide what she wants to do with it - I was thrown under the bus several years ago.
What has IC and me baffled is why W is being so secret about it. I have accepted a very long time ago that W and I will never be partners again. The kids' welfare is what I am most concerned about and it appears that W is keeping her personal life on the QT so the kids are not exposed. Maybe she's worried that I might cause problems. There was a court case in NC where a judge today awarded $30M dollars to a woman who sued the new wife of her XH for alienation of affection...
Absolutely not a factor as far as I am concerned. And this is something that I would not pursue anyway. I just need closure on all of this. I still have a lot of life left in me and I believe that there are some wonderful chapters in my life story that have not been revealed. Although I can do well on my own - it would be nice to have someone to share the journey - and who is willing to share her journey with me.
Whatever will be, will be...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
Hopefully today marks the final time I will need to go to the old house. Yesterday morning I took the remains of the old swingset to the county recycling center then hustled back to take care of kid related items for the remainder of the day. A few hours ago I went by to check on the final items and left a bunch of keys for the doors in a safe place. Closing is Tuesday morning and I think the buyers have their final checkoff tomorrow. I pre-signed the necessary forms with the people handling the closing so I don't need to be there for that...
On the way out I chatted for a few minutes with one of my neighbors who happens to be a psychologist. We're both sad that everything evolved to this point but I conveyed that it is probably all for the best. The kids are doing very well and I'm very lucky to be selling the house at near market value in spite of the outlay to get it into shape. But that outlay is all documented so that when the sep agreement is finalized, W will have a very clear idea of how precarious my financials are. My L will do her best to ensure that this is properly addressed. I still have a hefty balance on the retainer I paid to her so that will help over the next few weeks...
My emotional state seems to be good. Obviously feeling a bit sad at the moment - maybe the wine is enhancing that just a bit.
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
When my housing mess is over I plan on taking a visit back to the neighborhood to talk to everyone.
I only live three blocks away, but it seems like another world. It's tough looking at the old photos.
It's nice though to be so close. My rental house, although small, feels like home to the girls because it's essentially the same neighborhood. She's told me on several occasions she wants me to buy it when I can. I think she wants some consistency. I've moved three times now and she knows STBXW is set on selling the house -- if she can find a buyer.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
CTH - that's a good idea about going back and visit once all of this is done. Provide another avenue of closure...
Anyway - heard back that the buyers were very satisfied that all of their concerns (punch list items) were addressed so we're on autopilot. As of Tuesday afternoon, I will no longer be a homeowner.
But this will give us a chance to stabilize our finances and move on - so that aspect of it is good...
For a pittance of a fee, the proceeds from the sale will be wired to the bank. I replied that it is a very good idea (avoid the hassle of dealing with a paper check and the USPS) and I gave them the info for an account which W and I have access to. W signed off on the idea without comment - which kind of surprised me. Then again - I have had to deal with all of the financial (and nearly all of the logistical) headaches of getting the house ready for this sale so I feel more at ease. With some of the proceeds, I plan on paying off the most recent house-related items (termite treatment, duct cleaning, new carpeting and the last-minute repair items) and then splitting the remainder between W and me.
There will be a lot more in terms of financials that W will have to make good on to get the slate closer to being an equal hit for each of us, but I can wait on that for another day...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
