update

[Bolt]

for those familiar with me.....have been having what i thought were baby steps...
we are separated, but spent some time in our home on the west coast last week.
he had started the week by saying he was staying with his brother, but stayed with us half the time
sent some very mixed signals to me
we had a nice week and when i took the earlier flight home he kissed me goodbye, on the mouth
2x
once home, he continued the mixed signals
yesterday i had told him he could drop our s off at my brothers where my family was having sunday dinner
he told me he would be there for that
he made jokes about how he was the "son in law" that my parents didn't understand (my parents love him- it was a joke" so i guess i was surprised that he was referring to himself as a son in law
tonight he wanted to have dinner with my s and me
after dinner he and i started to joke about dating other people, which led to a relationship talk
i asked him (stupidly) if he still felt the same (he is the one who wants a divorce)
he replied "yes, nothing has happened yet"
i don't really understand what he meant, but i (stupidly again) told him that i thought he should know that i still didn't want one
he told me that he figured that, but he would be lying if he said he felt any different
so now, i feel like i've backslid
and i feel like all the progress i have made, as far as feeling better about things, is washed down the tub
i am venting now so i don't call or text him
i feel horrible right now

I don't think you've backslid, grrr. I don't. You simply laid things out on the table and heard what he had to say. It does hurt. It hurts a ton. Take a moment to own the pain and don't suppress it but don't let it consume you.

we're all here for each other.