Need help ASAP- panic attacks

[Bolt]

Take a day for YOU Angel... regain that focus... IMO Everything that you described seems perfectly normal under the circumstances.

PATIENCE... Be that Lighthouse Angel... you are doing great!!!

Now go take a break... go get a massage (from Bolt? LOL) ... pedicure? mani? Go laugh... Mainly though.. take a deep breath and relax...

BITS
Denver

HA!

Heck yeah! Come on down. We're in the same state

He's right though...take a time out. Remove your brain for a second and do something strictly for angel.

Just don't forget to put your brain back in. I forgot one time and it took me a whole month to put it back in...some would say I still haven't put it back in...

[InAPickle]

Angel, you know there's gonna be days when your seratonin gets out of whack. Just try to recognize those times for what they are - temporary. If you need to cry, find a private place and time and let it all out.

I tried meds when this all first started, but they didn't agree with me. Doc put me on wellbutrin and it felt like taking speed. So I weaned myself off them after a couple of weeks.

The BITS are right; do something fun for yourself. It's your life; you can choose to enjoy as much of it as humanly possible. None of us are getting any younger Angel, and we'll never get a mulligan on our children's childhood. Forget about H and M and R for a few minutes - what are you gonna do for Angel and D12?

[angel61]

Hi all, thank you so much for all the encouraging posts. I did not have time to check as another crisis came up in our household.

Prior to crisis: H called me throughout the day, and finally was convinced that I was feeling more stable. By the time he came home, he was cheerful, in a rush to pack for his two week trip, but chatty and seemingly happy, did last minute groceries, took out garbage, cooked for D12, and did all our bills. I felt comfortable, and helped him pack, all the while with light convo.

At bedtime, D12 comes over and asks me to sleep with her.
She then started crying, then blurted that she was so worried for mommy and daddy. She was afraid that "mommy is going to lose it, go crazy" because of the problems. She also said that our family did not feel like one anymore as we did not do things together (we do, but I think she sees the one sided interaction)

I felt my stomach sinking. D12 has a history of anxiety, manifested by not eating. It took 6 mos. of therapy last episode to get over it, where she became so painfully thin, and she was just 7 years old then. Since yesterday, D12 has not been eating well again, and I had the feeling that she was headed for this.

I called in my H, told him about the situation. Although I felt like screaming at him, all I told him was to reassure her if he could, and that he is hurting her. I felt so bad for D12 that I could not even cry, and for a moment felt like just hitting H.

They talked, and afterwards he told me that he explained to her that sometimes, in a persons life, a crisis comes up where they beocme confused and lost, and thats where he is now. He tried to explain his MLC to her, I guess. he also tried to reassure her, saying that he was planning family trips and outings.

H then had to leave early this AM. He told me that he will make sure to contact us as much as he could, and asked me to be strong for our daughter.

When D12 woke up, she was still trembly and fearful. It took all my control not to cry, and I decided to just say anything at this point, out of desperation, to comfort her. I said that she should not worry, we were not heading for a D, and that we will try to work on our M. It seemed to work this time for D as she started slowly coming around, and by lunchtime, was eating a little.

H called during a stopover, and told him about my reassurances to D12 and he actually agreed. He said to just keep things as stable as possible till he arrives, and that we'll just deal with other problems later.

He called 4x total during his stopover, twice to just let me know how the lounge was like, and how he plane's business class (he got upgraded) was like. He also talked once to D12 to chat lightly. I felt some warmth emanating from the conversations, a touch of concern and caring. He also admonished me to take care of myself.

So right now, I feel like I am in a kind of twilight zone. Everything is so surreal, unnatural. I don't even know how I feel anymore. My world is literally falling apart but the pieces seem to be moving and gathering life of its own. Where it is headed, I do not know.

[angel61]

Crisis averted for now. D12 has taken to heart my reassurances, and H has agreed that for now we have to get D12 to stability.

She has gone back to school, I am at work, my focus is still bad but at least I am able to work.

The pain I feel for myself is nothing compared to the pain of seeing my daughter suffering.

[angel61]

I have an appointment for D12 to see a child psychologist on Wednesday. My question to those who have experience on this: Should I talk to the psychologist first or should I let my daughter go by herself? Will it help if both me and my H are there, or maybe safer if only me and D12 would go?

The psychologist said I could do whatever suits me, but I am afraid as I am not sure if she is more of the "what is best for me" type of therapist.

Just like my eperience with the psychiatrist who refused to give me meds for fear of blunting my emotions and not making the right choices. I do hear him and understand but I do want more time and being "blunted" i feel will help me think more clearly and stop my impulses.

Its sad how the "me" mentality is sometimes contributing to the demise of the family.

[dolphin_05]

What does D12 think?

[angel61]

So I did ask D12. She told me she would rather talk to the psychologist by herself. She said "She's my therapist, its my therapy, I want her to see things from MY point of view".

Guess she answered it for me after all. She's a smart kid. I have hope she'll go through this less scarred than me (who knows).

We had a pretty happy two weeks so far without Dad after the panic attacks. I did strive to make our weekends fun.

He will be home in two days. I actually am starting to feel a twinge of anxiety. This is terrible, instead of feeling excited that he will be home, I am nervous. I miss him but I always imagine the old H walking through the door, and I should not do that and should think in the present.

We did have good phone conversations though over the course of that two weeks. He sounded upbeat most of he time, willing to spend more than the usual "how are you and D12 today kind of convo. He asked questions, volunteered info on what he was doing and with whom (safe coz OW is not anywhere near him anyways. He did ask about D12's psych appointment and agreed that she should talk to Psych by herself.

I did a couple of projects around the house - reupholstered some chairs, repainted some old furniture - which I really love doing. helped keep my mood up. I stated taking St. Johns Wort also.

I think the idea of living parallel lives while within the same household and helping bring up D12 is appealing to me right now. But no legalities for now....and no A's being flung into my face.

[angel61]

After our upheavals (panic attacks, etc) it turned out to be a nice two week time with my D, friends and sister.

Weekdays was work and school as usual, with bad weather and good, but we survived. Several days we went to visit friends and share dinner or a glass of wine. Weekends were fun times for both me and D.

Thinking back to this whole sitch, I realize that it seems like I am starting to get into a more stable stage. There hasn't been any major event that has happened initiated by D with regards to the EA or the M in the past month or so. I think the anxiety attack I had was more of a rite of passage, a last ditch refusal to accept reality. Right now I feel that I have touched rock bottom emotionally and am now leaving that behind. Hope it means I am hopping out of the coaster. Although it may be just because of the stability of not having H around for 2 weeks.

Even D12 feels it too. After mass today she asks me when her dad is coming, I said Tuesday. I asked her if she was excited, and she tells me "I guess". I asked her if that meant she was not sure, and she said "yes, we survived the weeks without him and actually had fun, now I am nervous that it will be stressful again". So I asked if the stress was because I am stressed when H is around, and she said partly, but apparently, she is stressed too.

I did't have a clue because every time they talked on the phone, she was always so sweet to him, ending each call with "ILY daddy" in the most "wrapping dad around my little finger" tone.

That is so sad, because D12 actually was always closer to H than me. He is the one who is the hands on parent - cooks, brings her to school and back. But I guess his EA has taken its toll on how he interacts with her.

I don't know though if this is bad, but I actually felt that how D12 feels might help if we had to go ahead with the S.

The two week time though has made me more prepared to DB and keep my home an oasis of calm when H comes back. I feel very even keeled right now, ready to take on the world, alert and starting to be organized again. I feel like I am waking up, leaving my depression and sadness and paralysis behind.

[LearningPatience]

Angel,
my S14 has been seeing a C for OCD/anxiety issues. In our case, his M and I went to his first appt with him so that the C could understand what we thought the issues were along with S. Most other appts he went alone, but on occasion his M or I would have our own sessions with C.

Even though it is your D12s issues, it will be important for you (and H if he can) to meet with the C. Sometimes an outside observer is a better judge of our behaviours than we are ourselves.

It's so much harder on our kids than we realize. They're little troopers on the outside, but it tears them up inside.

I'm happy you and D are getting help, keep up the great work!

[angel61]

Thanks for the advice. Its true, our kids are the real victms. I realize I have to be strong for my d12, as she takes her cues from me. When I was stressed, she was too. This 2 weeks without my H were really relaxing for me and she felt that too and had fun.

I will tell the C about D12's wishes but defer to her judgement as well on how we will approach this as parents.