Married 2 years, dating 2 before that. My 2nd marriage (XH left for OW), his 3rd (he ended the other 2). He has 2 teenagers from XW1, no kids together. Perfect courtship, swept me off my feet, was Prince Charming. We got married and he turned into a toad with warts who couldn't care less about me, asked me to give up everything and who rarely ever had a kind word for me, much less a gesture. I nagged, felt neglected, betrayed, used, hurt. So I nagged more, criticized, tried to stand up for myself, didn't respect him. We fought non-stop for our whole first 2 years of marriage. MC after 1 year that was horrible and caused more harm than good.
In October, 1st Bomb, H wants a D. I started to DB (had 2 yrs experience from first marriage). By December we were back to laughing, talking, hanging out, ML, etc and the holidays were great. Little did I know H was "already seperated in his mind" and had "given up" and while I thought we were better than we had been in 2 years, he was on a dating site aggressively persuing anyone who would respond to him. Aggressively and desperately persuing anyone who would respond to him. Thankfully, few did. I found out about the site before he met anyone. I e-mailed every single woman he e-mailed, whether they responded or not, and told them he was married and that his profile was a lie. Yes, it made him angry, but no, I do not regret it. He also left me overnight in a broken vehicle because he didn't feel like driving to get me, as he was "done". This was after I spent every penny I had for Christmas for his kids and his mortgage payment (house he had before we married). He was cold, cruel, just downright hateful to me. I was devastated. He has yet to apologize for any of it.
I kept DB'ing though. By February things seemed to be a lot better.
Now, he seems to be trying somewhat. As long as I don't get upset or show any emotion or question him, etc. Be his cheerleader = he's nice to me. I found panties though, hidden in his drawer. He swears they are from before we got married. He has no credibility left and I don't trust him.
At this point, I'm DB'ing to keep the peace and trying to pull myself together to GAL. I want out but I guess I'm still on the fence somewhat or I wouldn't be here, huh?
Tonight, he blew up at me because I made an innocent comment about a trip he took in November. We were talking a trip he's taking tomorrow to his company headquarters, where they called in all his peers. The last time they did that was an award ceremony in Vegas. I made the mistake of saying (very innocently), "how come you don't have any photos from Vegas", to which he got very defensive and ruined dinner oat by getting angry, turning red at the table, saying he hates his life (guess that includes me), etc, etc. Right now he's stewing in the bedroom and of course, as usual, it's all my fault. How dare I ask a question? How dare I even hint to doubt him?
Mind you, we NEVER have R talks. I've never been able to work though any of the things that have happened, never talked about it, he's never apologized. I'm just supposed to accept all he's done, shut up and treat him like he's a king and not have any pain from it at all, much less bother him with a discussion or emotions.
So the last few weeks of the nice guy are disappearing. The jerk is back.
Still, through it all at dinner, I DB'd and didn't raise my voice or get upset, etc. Talked him down as much as I could without talking too much. Changed the subject, etc. Tried to lighten the mood. He's still in the bedroom stewing.
Because it has been, and will always be, all about him.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
