I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

Not much to report. D12 had the first weekend of her play and it was my weekend, but I had a basketball game to do Friday night -- last one of the year -- and STBXW was going to be at all of the plays. So I just hung out with D8 Saturday and Sunday and let STBXW take D12 to and from the plays. It saved gas money.

I will go to see her play Saturday night and Sunday afternoon.

Money is tight so I'm spending more time at home and less out. I had to stop spending myself into oblivion. But that means more dead time and thinking.

Some weird important dates coming up -- baseball's opening day March 31. I'll be making my 10th straight 5 1/2 drive into Cincinnati for opening day.

April 2 -- my 42nd birthday. My weekend with the girls and I'm getting them on April 1 (spring break day) so I won't have to deal with STBXW at all.

April 27 -- our 15th wedding anniversary. I'm assuming we'll still be married since there has been no reply to our settlement offer other than to ask for my W2. Five years ago we were getting ready to go to Las Vegas for our 10th anniversary. That trip did not go like I wanted it to. STBXW seemed miserable the whole time, but she said later she enjoyed it. I remember her staring out the window at the Bellagio just watching the water display. She seemed a million miles away.

May 8 -- Mother's Day, which will mark two years since I moved out.

Beginning April 9 the running races start up so I'll be pretty busy with those. The 5 a.m. workouts are going well. I feel great -- when I'm not exhausted.

I don't feel "desperate" to find someone any more. I can't really afford a GF right now anyway. And the girls aren't ready either. Early on, they said they wanted a "step mom," but now when things get quiet they still talk about how they "hate" that we are apart.

It's a weird dance right now between STBXW and I. I wonder what life will be like five, 10, 15 years from now. I don't know how this will ever feel normal.