Sage - thank you for posting on my thread. Please feel no pressure to post there - I just get alot out of what you post on your thread and feel you are able to lay things out very clearly, as well as seeing some similar issues we are dealing with. You are certainly welcome on my thread, but again, feel no pressure to post there.

I have also been unable to read much in Newcomers - it's still just too fresh and painful. I feel that I should give back to others here, I feel so grateful to have been led to the bb, and it truly has been my strongest support throgh this journey - maybe in time, I'll be able to post on some newcomer threads - just can't right now. I do think it is helpful to read the posts here. I learn something every day, and reading piecing threads before I got here gave me hope.

Just a few thoughts on your R talk with your H - yes, there were some scary parts, but I think that is part of real intimacy - hearing his thoughts even though some may be painful to hear. The way you handled things by depersonalizing the comments was awesome. This is something I think I am avoiding - your conversation with your H was very close to several conversations my H and I have had over the last several weeks - most of them a result of me seeming down. My H said things along the same lines as your H - in paritcular about not being sure I could ever be less fearful. I want intimacy - but I am afraid of it at the same time.

The other thing that struck a cord with me was your question about why he had the A. This is something I have struggled with - the infidelity chapter in DR has a section on why affairs happen - I have read this, but can't pick out what may have happened in our R. I haven't asked H why - and I'm not sure I should at all/or at least at this point. By my own choice I know very rew details of their R.

Don't mean to highjack your thread - especially not with my stream of consciousness posting.

Mainly wanted to say thank you for your posts - both on my thread and your own. Do what is best for you and your M with regards to the board. You have already helped so many of us.

So glad you had such a good holiday~



Mockers2 "Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." Friedrich Nietzsche