How long should you try? Until........

[MichelleLT]

This is exactly why she thought she shouldn't tell you. Because you wouldn't approve.

It isn't up to you to approve or disapprove of her choices.

Possibly true, allow me to explain my annoyance. IF we reconcile any financial decision she makes we will have to deal with together. I have been steady eliminating debt while she has not. I am not attempting to put the cart before the horse BUT I have to maintain a certain level of hope that I am working on getting back together with my W.

Actually, you are making a big assumption there. You don't actually have to deal with it together. You could keep separate accounts and that would be her financial issue to deal with.

My parents have been married over 35 years and have always had separate accounts. They have always divied up the bills between them and spent any extra money at their own discretion (not that there was much if any with three kids lol). There are other options and models out there. When you R, it will be up to you to carve your own path.

Trust her to figure it out for herself. Even if you think she is making a mistake, trust her to learn from it.

Legally, since she's considering taking on this debt while you are separated, you will not be responsible for it. So don't let it stress you out. Her decisions, her consequences. She's not a child to shield from the world.

She brought the necessary changes to my attention, but they are being made because of me. To change for her is false, to change for me is crucial.

Hear hear!!!!