It's worse to be 30 miles away and have more emotional distance. Take my word on that.
I agree Michelle. I see your point. To have my W down the street and still have no contact would be very demoralizing to me. To have so much contact on not be able to see her is almost like eating food that is bad for you. It taste good but you suffer after.
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You have a lot of contact, and the physical distance is less than the emotional distance.
This part is the part I continue to miss. You keep me focused on this almost on a daily basis.
Originally Posted By: 2stepboogie
Why is it? Why is it that I know this but I do it anyway? Why is that we know what we have to do but refuse? I know the fire is hot, but I touch it.
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You know the answer to that 2....
It is inside of you, keep digging.
Enter Mach with a shovel and a flashlight. I am digging my friend you know that I am. Soon i will reach China with my shovel and canteen. What will I find on the other side?
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Have you really changed your controlling thought patterns?
Ahh Cat. Nice to see you again.
Yes. I have. Am I 100%. I don't know that i will ever be.
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Have you really been paying attention to things in the books and what you hear here on the website?
The more I do the more I realize I know nothing. I listen, I learn, I self evaluate constantly.
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This is exactly why she thought she shouldn’t tell you. Because you wouldn’t approve.
It isn’t up to you to approve or disapprove of her choices.
Possibly true, allow me to explain my annoyance. IF we reconcile any financial decision she makes we will have to deal with together. I have been steady eliminating debt while she has not. I am not attempting to put the cart before the horse BUT I have to maintain a certain level of hope that I am working on getting back together with my W. Does this have to do with the changes I am making? No. As I have stated. She brought the necessary changes to my attention, but they are being made because of me. To change for her is false, to change for me is crucial.
Does not change the fact that my ultimate goal is to save my M.
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There is no maybe…
This is a part of the old you, who is apparently still hanging around.
A part that doesn’t like the way things are going and WANTS to react with anger and selfrighteousness.
But…is an excuse. To act in whatever way you want to act.
Instead of examining why you still feel that way.
Instead of finding the underlying reasons for it…
This is why we look within…
To find out WHY WE react in the ways that we do, to things that they do or don’t do.
self-righteousness carries such a negative connotation Cat. I agree it is a part of my old self. If she decided to get a car that is great! Great for her. Part of is fear though. Fear that every new purchase ties her down to OK just a little bit more. Fear that every move solidifies her stay.
It is no secret I don't like this scenario one bit. I don't like it not because i feel belittled by it but because I fear it. I fear I am losing my M little by little.
Every day I grow a little. Everyday I learn a little more.
My down fall is not in the major mistakes but in all the little ones. It reminds me of something I read awhile back.
Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain
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This isn’t a game to win them back. It isn’t a chess match, to be one or two steps ahead, or a day in court as the defense attorney, to out argue the prosecutor and win over the jury. It is a way, to change your life for the better. To be the better option. If that leads to reconciliation, that is a wonderful thing.
Nothing I can say about that except WOW. WOW Cat. You are right.
I am truly a lucky man. To have so many of the vets come out with swing their 2x4's at me all in the same day.
I feel like Rodney King, only I am happy to get my head re-adjusted.
