I walked into the house yesterday afternoon and it hit me like a brick. I broke down for a couple of minutes but then picked my head back up. My mother and I immediately cleaned and arranged the house to look comfortable.
I then had to drive down the street to give my S to my W for the night. Kept the exchange brief and confident.
Last night, my mother and I went to dinner and had a couple of margaritas. I then got home and opened a bottle of wine. Spent hours with my mother just talking. I probably told her too much but oh well. She already knew quite a bit, and the stuff I did tell her was just back story.
Woke up with a slight hangover just in time to make it to mass with my mother. We then ran a few errands.
My wife was given a potted ficus tree from her dying grandmother that we have kept for years that has not been doing to well and needing a transplant. Tree means a lot to my W, but pregnancy and child birth has given tree some neglect. BTW, the tree has a name. Her name is Molly. Short for tamale. Long story, but W's grandmother had a caregiver that made the best tamales. He took care of this tree for years but passed soon after her grandmother. Anyway, my mother has the greenest of thumbs, so we took care of it today and gave this tree an ER operation. We did a pretty good job and tree is already looking better.
While we were out, my mother asked if it would be okay is she could give my W a small house plant with a note. My mother is very religious and spiritual. She just wanted to tell my W that she knew that we were going through some rough times, but that she is praying for us and wishes that God provides strength to her in her self discovery. Although, my W and I are not nearly as spiritual, I thought the sentiment was very nice coming from my mother. My W and I have already had the conversation that she feels that she will never be able to face my family again, and that she fears my parents. Although this was not a complete peace offering, I think it shows my W that there is no anger involved at least from my mother.
W came over to drop off S and pick a few things up. She was very happy to see Molly looking better. She was very thankful. I told her that I would take good care of her. She then saw the plant and note. She was very surprised but wanted to me to thank my mother for her. She did not read the card in front of me, but she took it home with her. No mention yet how she feels about it.
S is getting his first ever cold, so W is super sad tonight. We exchanged about a thousand texts tonight about him. I told her that I would take good care of him tonight and for her to try and get some sleep and take care of herself tonight.
Everything for me the last couplesof days has been very surreal and sad. I hope I can rebound tomorrow and get a good start on the week ahead.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
i know this is hard....i like what your mom did and i'm sure it really touched your w i will say, that for me, when my h moved out it was very difficult at first i was surprised how fast it has become much easier for me
on your son's cold...make sure his head is a bit elevated tonight
if he is in a crib, put a rolled up towel under the mattress where his head rests so it is a bit higher
i know this is hard....i like what your mom did and i'm sure it really touched your w i will say, that for me, when my h moved out it was very difficult at first i was surprised how fast it has become much easier for me
on your son's cold...make sure his head is a bit elevated tonight
if he is in a crib, put a rolled up towel under the mattress where his head rests so it is a bit higher
Thanks, grr!!!!
My thoughts exactly. It has been a somber couple of days, but I will rebound.
Thanks for ideas concerning my son. He has been waking up over and over with super congestion. We steamed for a bit before bedtime. Besides his humidifier on high in his nursery and the saline drops, I wasn't sure what else could be done. My mother called my aunt who is a pediatric RN. She said to elevate his mattress tonight! You give some pretty strong advice, grr. Thank you!
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
Hey Sparks, just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. Moving weekend for both our sitch. Might be easier for me (easy, yeah right) in that I'm the one in the new place with no memories.
W helped me move a little on Sat, we ended up going to lunch, had a couple of beers, went to a bar close to the house, a couple more, wine at home and ended up spending the night together. Talked a ton, though W said the next day she talked too much and me not enough. Thought I was supposed to listen and not talk? Anyway...
Sunday she helped me move everything I was taking at the time except couch and mattress. No idea how she's taking it now as I haven't talked to her since lunch yesterday.
Sorry for the threadjack, just wanted to share, compare and contrast, etc. I'll update my own thread in a bit.
Babies are germ magnets, you're in for lots of random illnesses. They're generally seem more scary and/or annoying than they really are. Try to remember that while panicking
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Thanks for checking in, LP. It's was a rough weekend, but I am looking forward to picking my head back up and having a good week.
Stinks that my new week had to involve caring for a sick 6 month old last night. Many of you out there have kids. Remember the first time they got sick? It's pretty heartbreaking.
Last night was filled with very little sleep. Poor little guy. I took his temp this morning and found a mild fever. When W arrived this morning to pick him up for daycare, she told me that she did not care what it says in "Baby 411", she wants him to go to the doc. I told her that is not a problem. Since I have a ton of time off at my work, we decided last week that it would be better for her not to miss her work if S were to get sick. No problems here. I want the responsibility and cherish taking care of my S. She mentioned this morning if that would be okay. I paused trying to think of the semantics, and she got mad. I told her that I was not arguing with her at all. I completely agreed. It was 6:45, she was running late, I was on no sleep, I understand were the brief tension came from and will dismiss it.
Took my S to the doc at 10. Little man has a cold and an infection in his left ear. Fever was down, though. S was in good spirits and doc gave okay to go to daycare. W and I exchanged a few texts and she called from work.
Made the drive to the other side of town to daycare. Dropped him off and his bag. Talked to the daycare folks for a bit and left.
I wrote my W a text telling her that S is doing great, but I now know how she feels when she drops him off in the morning. As I was walking back to my car, I was so sad. It is really hard to leave my S, especially wen he is not feeling well.
I called daycare a few hours later after lunch to check on him. He is doing well. When I got home to unload the car, I realized a huge mistake. I forgot to leave his car seat for my W. It was never discussed, but she would be stuck without it. I got back in my car and made the hour long round trip to drop it off. I peaked my head in again when I got there, and he was napping. I told the daycare people that this was the first time he has been sick and our first child. I told them that my subconscious must have left the car seat in the car on purpose, because it gave me the excuse to check back on him.
The second time leaving was not any easier.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
This whole experience was reminded in alamo's thread. How a separated couple care for a sick child.
It is in time's like these that I wish my W and I could be there for our S together. When MWD says that you should leave no stone unturned if considering divorce when children are involved, it is for these reasons and many others down the road.
I know that my W's situation is a little different than most, but sometimes I just want to reach out to her and explain this to her. Maybe in her fog, she has been thinking deeply about the impact her decision will have on our S. Short term and for the rest of his life.
I know I am ranting about my W's decisions that I have no impact on and need to take care of me and my fathering of my S. Hope there is no harm and writing down a few of my pains.
Tonight, I am taking care of myself and watching a movie with a buddy of ours. No more sulking.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
W has sick S tonight. I am happy that she will get to care for him tonight. I think she was heartbroken that she couldn't be there last night when he couldn't sleep and had a fever. In the end, it was her choice to have an affair, her choice to move out, and our choice to split custody.
If the last few months have told me anything, they have told me that I am a fantastic father to my son. If you asked me even a few years ago how I would react in this same position, I would have no idea what to tell you. The idea that I have the ability to care well for an infant on my own is a pretty amazing feeling. Regardless of what happens with my W, I feel confident that I will be able instill solid values and raise my boy to be a fine man.
W and I did exchange a few text messages tonight:
W: Has this thermometer been in son's butt?
W: Is that how you have been taking his temp?
M: Yes. With Vaseline. And washed after.
W: How long do you leave it in?
M: 10-20 seconds
-An hour passes-
M: How did it go? You didn't put the whole thing up there, did you? Still fever free?
W: Just got him down. Fever free.
M: Yay! Great to hear. Take care of yourself now and try to get some sleep. Let me know if you need anything. Have a good night.
W: Night
So if any communication is good communication, a conversation about how to put a thermometer in my son's butt will work for me tonight. Nice.
At least my little boy is fever free!
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
Sparks, it sounds like you are doing a great job w/ your S! That first illness in your first child is tough no matter how much you expect it. Don't get me started on ear infections...ugh!
You're still better off venting here than trying to explain to W how her actions are affecting everything. The fog WAS are in seems to be impervious to logic, though I think they do understand somewhere inside. Just work on being the best you that you can be and it should show through to your W.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
