Husband got home last night. It was ackward because I already knew that he had lied to me about flight times.
Fast forward....I brought up the R because I had, had enough of the pain. I said "I have come to a decision while you were gone. I choose to continue in the M and with a lot of effort and luck we will have a great future."
He did his usual dance and said that he thinks he should continue with his plan and move. We finished watching TV and I went to bed.
This am, as I was getting out of bed, he came into the room and tried to hug me. Stupid ME, brushed right past him. We went down stairs and had the same R talk again. I was DB'ing (correctly) and he was crying. He is a confused man. He is afraid to waste more of his life living this way.
I told him it was to painful for me live as roommates. I cannot eat or sleep (lost 40lbs since Jan 1st) he said that I am getting to thin. He feels that I ignored his opinions and person for the last 18 months. He feels that I always ignore my daughter's wrong doing. He is correct.
I went in for a hug and he resisted, saying that he tried already this morning. He grabbed me and we had the best hug that I have had in a year. I felt safe again.
He said that he keeps asking himself why I didn't make all the changes before he "checked out"? That confirmed to me he has noticed. He also said that he is afraid that if he doesn't move he will be letting himself down. I think he is embarrassed in front of his friends, if he doesn't move.
He went to take a shower and I was lying in bed (took a day off) we talked some more and I could tell he was getting agitated. I ended with "you do know I love you, I don't need you, I want you." He said he knows that. He said that I am very independent, self sufficient. He said that he hopes that I know he too loves me but but but.
We had another long tight hug and he went to work. He wants me to meet him later in the day so he can take my car for service.
On a side note...he did tell me where his new place is and how much he has been paying in rent. Our monthly housing expense is over 4,000 dollars. Can't he see that we can't do that???
Now what, next steps?
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
Right now you seem to have forgotten that he has OW.
"I went in for a hug and he resisted, saying that he tried already this morning."
This is him playing you. He wants to be sure he still has your loyalty, so he plays the pity card and you fall for it. Did HE say anything about the things that he had done wrong? You notice that all he's done is talk about the changes you've made but he can't trust them to stick. BS. That's pure WAS game playing.
He switches the blame to you which has you looking for any attention from him. What about his choice to have OW? Unless that is addressed with remorse on his part about the things that HE has done wrong, you cannot heal.
"He said that he hopes that I know he too loves me but but but."
More game playing. He is trying to get you to do all the work. What guy doesn't like a woman stroking his ego? Doing whatever he wants to do with a snap of his fingers? And have OW on the side.
IMO, you need to stand strong and start detaching. Right now you are too attached. He will disappoint you. That is a given. Start doing what I suggested in terms of making yourself look great, build up your selfl-esteem. Get your confidence. That is what will attract him back. Not the begging or the wishing he hugged you, etc.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I went in for a hug and he resisted, saying that he tried already this morning. He grabbed me and we had the best hug that I have had in a year. I felt safe again.
Should not have reached outt o hug him, You had him thinking then made it clear to him that he could have you back at anytime. Be stronger.
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He said that he keeps asking himself why I didn't make all the changes before he "checked out"? That confirmed to me he has noticed. He also said that he is afraid that if he doesn't move he will be letting himself down. I think he is embarrassed in front of his friends, if he doesn't move.
This is all WAS script here. So he's gonna allow his friends influence the most important decision of his life? And he doesn't want to let THEM down?
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He went to take a shower and I was lying in bed (took a day off) we talked some more and I could tell he was getting agitated. I ended with "you do know I love you, I don't need you, I want you." He said he knows that. He said that I am very independent, self sufficient. He said that he hopes that I know he too loves me but but but.
Stop all the ILYs. You said it before. Say things once and that's it/.
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On a side note...he did tell me where his new place is and how much he has been paying in rent. Our monthly housing expense is over 4,000 dollars. Can't he see that we can't do that???
Red flag, could he possibly have a room mate, AKA OW?
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Now what, next steps?
Stop hugging him and being so attached to him. Work on setting him free. Take your car into service for yourself. SHOW him that you are an independent woman.
I know it's difficult right now for you. Make the hard decisions now so they pay off later. gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
The OW, if there is on lives in Texas. He is (said) he is renting a room for 700.00 a month. It must be a real dump. He says he feels like he is throwing money away. He hasn't moved a thing out or spent one night there. I don't believe there is another place.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
Just looked at FB and he posted a picture of a new car with a caption that says "Happy Birthday, OW!!!
Is he making a car payment for this new vehicle?
Better start investigating excatly where the family money is going. You need to arm yourself with all the correct information.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
