Every time there is good progress you have to be prepared for the pullback. It does undermine their vision of how their life will be better without you in it.
Just as much as you are going through periods of loneliness and depression, so is she. She just doesn't want to let you see them because she is trying to be strong and independent. You don't have to feel sad for her about it since she put herself in that situation, but do try and remain empathetic and understand that this process if painful for both of you and will cause both of you to grow and learn so that you have the potential to form a new, healthy, interdependent relationship.
Don't let her choice of words and remarks get to you. Sometimes she is trying to convince herself of things more than convince you.
Your frustration is normal and natural and totally understandable. But don't let it sabotage your progress. Find constructive ways to get rid of that stress so you can deal with her and let it roll off your back.
Michelle:
You are correct. I wonder if I will get tired of saying that.  I guess where I hit my panic mode is when I start to realize the distance between us. I think it is no secret that the distance is a huge obstacle for us to overcome, so when I dwell on it I begin to self defeat. Self defeat is a problem I must overcome, I don’t believe I will achieve it until I have totally detached. I am a work in progress for sure.
Two things I must constantly remind myself
1. The time is not necessarily my enemy because she is also thinking
2. She feels the same emotions that I am feeling; unlike in many other sitch on the board my W has told me as much. Usually my trigger is my D, when she makes a comment or when I know she is hurting I begin to spiral, wallowing is self pity is so much easier than actually doing something about it.
The shadow in my sitch is the 1500 mile distance I must accept it for what it is and continue to live for me. I believe until I do that I will continue to self defeat. It is 1500 from Jersey to Ok, I guess it is 1500 miles from Ok to Jersey also. If she drove one way, she can drive the other.
