So this weekend i took my D to dinner. I did not realize it until i was in the waiting area that the last time i was at this restaurant was with my w and d as a complete family. As i realized this in the waiting area the room began to close in on me and i started to spiral into depression. I feel like crap considering I have received so much advice and such strong support from this board and people outside this board who have become close friends because of my sitch. I just felt like i should be much further along. Still i failed to control my emotions. The dinner came and went and Sunday was no different. As the day progressed I began to sink.
Sunday night i was chatting with some friends online and decided to call W. It was midnight where she is at but she is typically a night owl. I got the response i should of expected............a voicemail. No worries i went to sleep.
9AM this morning W calls
W "hey i saw that you called last night. everything ok?"
M "yeah sorry i know it was late but you are usually up late"
W "i was really tired last night and decided to sleep early. whats wrong?"
M "oh nothing i was just laying in bed couldn't sleep, i was writing some stuff and when i got done i saw the book we began to read and figured i would call you to see if you wanted to continue reading it. Seemed like a good book"
W "oh i was tired went to bed early. what are u up to"
M "I am at work. you are up early?"
W "yeah have to be at work early today"
M "you never did tell me how the game was. did you have fun?"
W "oh yeah we had a good time. its funny i was looking at the program and was looking at the dob of the players and they were so much younger than me. i felt old"
M "lol i know that feeling its sad when i see an NFL player retire and i watched him get drafted.We are getting old babe"
W "speak for yourself. I still young. yay for me 29yrs old and my life [censored]"
M "speak for myself? sh!t I am in my prime"
W "lol oh yea?"
M "sounds like you got to work alreayd so I guess i will let you go"
W "i have a few minutes i can't clock in for awhile. i prob shouldn't tell you this but i am thinking about getting that car i told you about"
M "why couldn't you tell me that? lol"
W "i don't know. it doesn't make sense and i prob should not do it but who cares. i like it and i want it. I am also thinking about putting in an appt in this new company"
M "oh thats cool. hope you get the car it will def be bigger"
W "yeah maybe just wishful thinking.well i guess i should go to work"
M "ok i'll be around. let me know if you want to read on with that book i'll be around. i thought you had not brought it up cause you were waiting on me"
W "i might call you later on tonight"
There it is. The car thing is a little annoying to me but I have no control over that.
Maybe it is still a part of the old me but everytime she says "i'll call you again H" or "maybe i will call you tonight" it sounds like she is doing me a favor. Maybe its silly but it gets under my skin. I feel like saying "don't do me any freaking favors babe" I am sure that would get me a great reaction.
