Hmmm. Sorry Sandi2, guess the anxiety was coming through a bit too much. And, dbmod - apologies for over-referencing that book - I'll be more general going forward.
To answer your question Sandi2, I've gotten conflicting messages about this. My first therapist felt that it was a combination of a very busy life and bona fide generalized anxiety - she was very nice but I found out later that she was a therapy postdoc and I was her first patient, so I don't know how much stock to put in that. When she transferred I switched therapists - new guy is also nice but seems to think that my reactions are normal given my situation. He does not think I have some sort of generalized anxiety.
Both suggested doing things for myself, not over reacting to Ws actions, exercising - all the stuff that the DBing books recommend. These things seem to be a win-win right? They all help.
I do think, however, that this - being sensitive to loss and unsure of relationships - has been a consistent part of my personality for my whole life. I wonder if it is childhood experience (certainly could be in my case) or just genetics. Let's face it, some of personality is just inborn. This is the primary obstacle between me and where I want to be with my M, and it would be the reason my W would have an A if that comes to pass.
During my life I've avoiding a few situations where I knew this would be a problem - and was doing great. This situation - 3 kids and a spouse with a full-time job with travel - I knew it would be tough for me and that's why I said no to having a third originally, until W said she was 100% committed to staying home while they were young. (I didn't WANT her to do this and tried to talk her out of it, but was so impressed with her resolve and commitment I agreed.)
I have trouble dealing with the situation and the the resentment of having the plans changed.
I really am here to save my M. The advice has been great and very helpful, and I'm in a better place with my M, even if there is an A. But in has been in the recent past a real problem in my M. It takes such effort and I've not been as good a F or H as I would be if I could get passed all this.
....long reply I suppose. Thanks for the reply Sandi2.
