Because I am so insecure, I try to predict and control and choreograph everything that happens.
I am often living in the future, trying to make something happen in order to fill a bottomless pit of unhappiness within myself.
I did not see the connection between my need to control and force and make things happen the way I want, and my wife's need to have a natural flow and intimacy and chemistry in our lives and especially in our lovemaking.
She has no complaints with my oral skills. There I can make her do backflips because there I am in control.
But that is not what she longs for. She longs for true lust, passion, intimacy, connection...
She wants:
"intense I say intense chemistry while making love missionary style it has not been that way for us!!"
Her complaint is that being together does not feel natural. Everything about us seems really forced and difficult.
She says if I was already there living in the states she would give us another chance because:
"Nothing would need to be done but getting together every so often to see how things go. I don't understand what you don't understand???!!!"
She also says: "You seem to not truly care what I'm feeling and what I've been ignoring. You want things to turn out your way and that's it!!"
Thank you TrueGritter.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
