My Story - He Cheated while I was Pregnant

[wanda15]

Well it wasnt a bad book...lol! good to see someone is strong and able to detach a little. i think you did really good. Nothing mushy, no whining and still managed to be you. That is hard to do when dealing with the X. Keep being strong!

[AJM80]

H was radio silent after Thurs night text exchange, compared to what it's been lately. Sent one brief exchange over son's newest activity and a tax doc I needed to send. Then this morn he texted asking if he could see the kids. I said sure, since it's raining and he generally tries to come Sundays. If we'd had plans, I think I would have said no.

I stuck around to warm up lunch for D and I. Then said, no, I need car and went to gym. Then I ran a few errands, got a couple hours of time. The kids did really well and seemed happy when I got back. H is still doing laundry at our house - this time I noticed he's showered while I was gone. I confronted him - just asked if he'd had a sleepover and shown up dirty? He said no - that he'd needed a shower and baby son seemed to need one too, so they'd hopped in. It dawned on me later that he hadn't had clean clothes, woke up wanting to do laundry, so he came over, washed clothes, then changed. Whatever - I get it, our house its free (rather than 30-40 bucks)and I keep detergent and fabric softener around....using us, but I still got my free time and kids got dad time.

He stayed 2-3 trains later than he'd planned. I went and did my own thing till D was looking for me. Came down and played hide and seek with her. H was wrestling w son and locked up my leg so D could catch me. Surprised me that he was so playful.

Will keep things cool - I'm happier this week, trying to keep working out, getting better handle on "new finances", figure out job stuff, etc. This will be a weird month. Anniversary of him proposing is soon, then both our birthdays in the next month or so.

[sparks14]

AJ - Glad to see your H spending more time with the kiddos. Maybe it is just me, but I see a lot of good when two split parents get together to play and care for the kids. Not only is it good for the kids, but I think for that moment, the parents feel how good it could be to raise a family in a single household.

MWD talks about never divorcing when kids are involved unless every stone has been turned. I truly believe in that. In your sitch, I think your kids could actually bring H closer to the family as time goes by.

Keep up your happy week!

[AJM80]

Well, I was saving my "last" phone therapy session for when H said he missed us and wanted to come back. But I need it for me sooner.

I think I'm doing things right, other than being a little impatient. I feel like I am running out of time. I do NOT want to go back to work. I want to stay home with my kids. But Tera and others are correct about keeping means of supporting myself. But if I go back full time, I would never get back being a SAHM. So, I am looking at part time options and a program they have for a controlled/temporary sabbatical kind of thing. I don't know if I would qualify. My bosses would have to lobby hard for it, I think. But I am a good employee and I think they would do that for me.

Anyway, I am pretty mad at H right now. Lol - and YES, I realize that I am pretty much being mad at a baby for pooping in their diaper right after you just changed it and got them all bundled up to go outside. Irrational, unproductive, and you're conscious of how silly it is, even while you're mad.

I just wish he'd crack already. I'm a freaking awesome wife. He's capable of being a pretty good H and father, I think....and I KNOW how capable he is of being a terrible H and father, since he did it last summer.

Pretty sure he's still with OW. I asked the other night and he didn't answer, so I just brought up the issue I had with something he had done. I had said (and he agreed) when I found out about OW, no sharing food, drink, kissing on mouth, bathing w/ kids (we often jump in the shower and just wash up the kid at the same time). He broke one of those rules and I thought I'd ask before I got on him about it. So when he avoided the question, I just nicely reminded him about the rule he broke. She's a stripper, not a school teacher. Yecky germs.

I need help from Chuck - I'm not sure if I am being too friendly here. We talk about random things, like we're still good friends.

So I am angry that I am in this job position, that he won't/can't talk about it with me - since I could use it against him in court. I am angry when my D cries because she wants her Dad. I'm annoyed that I havent gotten sex or physical attention in MONTHS. lol. I'm seriously annoyed that he does not see the CLEAR benefit of staying together or at least the horrors of divorce. So torn between keeping a line open, shutting it down, or maintaining status quo (maybe cake eating).

[AJM80]

I'm considering filing for D. Maybe that seems crazy, since I am on here and am very against it, but I don't want to spend the next 2 years getting jerked around. I keep dreaming that he admits he cheated on me throughout our whole relationship (pretty sure this is not true). I think I've been watching too much "Teen Mom 2"

[hope2011]

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say that I've been trying to keep up with your sitch and that you and your kids have been in my prayers. I can't imagine going through this with 2 small children but you are doing a good job of holding it together. I hope your H gets his head back on straight soon.

[sparks14]

I'm considering filing for D. Maybe that seems crazy, since I am on here and am very against it, but I don't want to spend the next 2 years getting jerked around. I keep dreaming that he admits he cheated on me throughout our whole relationship (pretty sure this is not true). I think I've been watching too much "Teen Mom 2"

AJ - I know that seems like an honest solution right now, but is it really the solution for you?

Through all of these stories, I see one with you that has great hope. I understand how much you are hurting right now. I really do. If you have an ounce of hope that you and your H can fully reconcile after this is over, I think you should stick with it. I really do not see this OW as a long time problem.

Keep doing what you are doing. Patience is key here. You are an amazing mother, and it shows. You are a strong person that has their head on their shoulders. If you think that your H can be the person that completes your family, give yourself more time and keep doing what you are doing.

[AJM80]

So I called H today to let him know about my leave ending next month and that I would like to discuss it/whether I'd leave or go back and what that would mean financially and for the kids. Maybe he doesnt get any input into this, but it seems like we should discuss it, since he's supporting us and his kids will be impacted by this. ANd since we are relying on him.

I'm just wondering if it is time for me to shut off, stop being so nice, and start really separating....or if that would kill all the good progress we've made towards getting along....or if that will be productive/a dose of reality. And maybe that's a D or going to an atty...reality for both of us?

I guess what I have been doing has been productive - we're getting along, he's loving kids and helping me more....

I'm not losing hope, I'm questioning if he ever will be good enough to overcome this....if he can believe and have enough hope. Because at some point, my faith and love might not be enough....they weren't last time....I know he's hurting and afraid, but he lacks something in himself (confidence, moral compass, ?) PLUS he's hiding from reality. Maybe I am really identifing with WAW's right now. I wouldnt want to date who he is now...

I did have a good laugh the other day, flipping through craigslist personals. I told H there was some CRAZY stuff on there. It was just humorous, though...not like I was really looking or going to reply to anyone.

Yes, I love him. Yes, I think I want us to stay together. And yes, I am probably strong enough to keep doing this...but am I strong enough to do this for a year, THEN D, THEN rebuilding? Cause a consequence of my situation is that I am choosing not to move away/leave..and if we D, that's my plan...the kids and I are out.

[AJM80]

Visit today - nothing dramatic. H came insanely early and left around nap time. I went out and played, got a haircut, etc while they were together.

I think I'm going to do weight watchers. Have a little weight left and it has been creeping up with the stress these last few weeks after months of losing post baby.

Also, signed up for a free profile on dating site...not really looking to meet someone, I didn't pay dues or actually join in a way that let's me connect to people...just more getting into the mentality/using it to help me detach and GAL. Having the babies makes it harder to get out and meet new people - sometimes I need a reminder that there are tons of people out there

[AJM80]

I had a crazy, vivid dream that my H said he loved me during nap time today. (The time change meant I went to sleep for nap time too)

So disturbing. Looking forward to my phone session tomorrow, although my gut says I am to do more of the same? I've been really wondered about D as a 180 - let him put the brakes on this and do some pursuing...but I don't think we're there. Either in progress (meaning it's his next step) or in lack of progress(things aren't getting worse, so what would it accomplish?).

So I am still trying to find a balance between going dark/not pursuing and keeping a line open/not cake eating. Plus his folks AND sister come this weekend. His sister told his Mom to back off with criticizing/"being mean", that he needed to be happy....that still bothers me since it was right after it all went down. (I wish his mom hadn't complained about it to me-hard to forget). Plus she never calls or writes the kids. I reached out to her and said it was ok (told his folks the same) and that I wanted her to know she could call them,etc. so she's not comfortable, fine...it's just surprising and makes me annoyed (it is fading, though).