WAW tearing up our family part II

[lostinscared]

Ironman,

Where are you? Have you been to the DB Facebook site? Denver turned us onto it.

I'm praying for you.

LIS

[Denver_2010]

the 12 steps to something or rather... 'like' it!!!

bits
DENVER

[FellOnBlackDays]

Iron, yes, some time apart may not be a bad idea. I was so angry when my w left, but I have come to realize that it may actually save my M in the long run. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, it will be lonely. Yes, it will not be fun at times. But, after you have done it for a period, you will start to see the benefits. I have discovered so much about myself since she left that I never knew. Most importantly, I discovered that I was a jerk to be married to and I really did need to make some changes if I was going to save myself and hopefully my M.

I agree with Denver and Lost, check out the DB Facebook page. Very helpful stuff on there!

BITS never walk alone!

FOBD

[ironMan]

Hi LIS,
Sorry, life has been hectic. New job started this week. Plus, I was finishing up putting new flooring in MY bedroom. CRAZY, CRAZY busy. Thanks for your support. I'll check out the facebook site. Can't post there though because W is on facebook too.

FOBD ..... yeah .... I feel it would be easier for me to heal. But, I won't push her out yet. And, both of us around is better for the baby and easier for us as well.

[ironMan]

UPDATE:

Last night, I got home from the gym and had some time before she went to the gym. She brought up the subject of what her and her C were discussing.

She said that although she too had considered switching jobs .... that her and her C had agreed that she already had enough on her emotional plate right now.

She said "I'm not as strong with change as you are".

I told her that changing jobs was scary for me too. But, my hand had been forced by my company's actions and I couldn't ignore the opportunities that sought me out.

Anyway .... she went on that she is really "emotionally unstable" right now. I said I was sorry to hear that, and asked why she felt so unstable and what unstable meant.

She said that she was having a difficult time dealing with the emotional part of deciding to leave.

I said I was surprised to hear that, since it was something she pushed so hard for. And, if it was what she wanted ... why would it cause so much emotional tension for her.

She was very nice and wanted to discuss it with me. And said that I deserved to ask questions because it involved me too. I said that I appreciated it .... but that she didn't have to answer questions. And I said "this is not what I want. It wasn't my decision. I do know you were unhappy, and I apologize for my contribution to that."

She then said "thank you for saying that. You know, I was just telling FRIEND the other day .... that you had become a totally new/different person lately. You share your work/job stuff with me and really listen to mine. It was never like that"

I replied that yes .... I was a new person now. A better one.

I should also add ..... she's been giving me pecks on the lips recently.

She's obviously very confused about what she wants. If I were unhappy as she says she was ... I'd feel great about getting out.

So, no great news here ... and I think she's going to have to leave just because she feels like she has to. She's also playing off any worries about the decision as "having to get emotionally used to the changes"

The problem for me now ..... is I'm caring less and less. I really do deserve better than this. And .... I won't be waiting forever. Fit guy, decent looking, makes good money, very intelligent .... I hear those are short on the marketplace and somebody would probably APPRECIATE such a guy instead of crap on him all the time.

[grr]

oh ironman.....this is all good stuff

and i really understand the caring less and less part

i truly believe, that is when they turn....because you are not just pretending..you really mean it .........you can live without them and they sense that the change in you is real

if you are not sure how you feel, don't do anything
keep on doing what you have been and pretty soon, the outcome is going to be entirely up to you

and on the off chance it is not, you will not care anyway
nice work
and yes, you should check out the fb page and look at the 12 ways to communicate with your man article
you should "like" or comment on it
it was very helpful to alot of us BITS

[ironMan]

done and done, grr

[AJM80]

Don't forget Ironman, you have one of the most important qualities in a guy - when things got tough, you didn't bail. Add that to your "I am awesome list". She's hurt you, but this is also helping you to become a better, stronger person.

Agree, from a woman's perspective, that it sounds like you are getting to a good place and she's starting to see what she's losing. A lot of the posts I have read have mentioned the woman waiting to see if the change is real and going to stick or if it's just a temporary thing. If she rationalizes her gut instincts away and misses out, her loss (you'll be well on your way).


Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible.
Stanislaw Lem

[FellOnBlackDays]

Iron, I am proud of you. You seem to be in the right frame of mind right now. Keep up the good work and stay the course. Maybe the ice is beginning to thaw with your W. Yes, being together is better for the children, but only if it also means that the two of you are getting better with your marriage. Just give that some thought.

Hang in there buddy. BITS never walk alone!

FOBD

[ironMan]

Update ..... I haven't been on much. I am just sooo busy ... and really just don't feel that concerned about W right now. She's her own mess now.

We did have a rough weekend though. I went out with a budyy on Sat night. We just hung out and talked about everything. His W split his family with 2 kids up so she could go be a druggy and a hussy. So, mostly just commiserating. Just thinking about how this woman could do that to a family with young kids caused so much anger to well up in me. I can't respect that woman. Anyway, I got home around 1:00 in the morning.

Next day, W says she couldn't sleep last night because she was worried where I was and what I was up to. ... huh? Why? You want out, lady.

Sunday, we got together with a big group of couple friends of ours. Only one person there knows W intends to separate. Just seeing how the wives were nice to each other ...... and knowing these kids would grow up in a house like the one I grew up in ... I just got PISSED at W.

On the way home, she brought something about my friend's sitch up. Well, it turned into me saying how much I couldn't respect this woman ... and how I believe your legacy is what you do. you are what you do. What you say ..... that's BS. If somebody wants to know what kind of person you were .... they should just look at what you did. And, I said that it infuriates me that my friend has to almost lie to his kids about why him and mommy don't live together when the real answer was mommy is a screwed up, selfish, weak person.

Well, W got really upset. And then was asking me if I was going to tell our D that W was a bad person.

Anyway .... I know ... not the best DBing. But, I'm just sick of all this. Its not my job to protect W from reality. If she breaks up this family .... she is a bad person. Sorry honey.