It's still a day-to-day journey. Still a very odd sense of being - but I'm getting there.
Another aspect to H's "counter" - reduced child support and share of out of pocket medical expenses. He offered $13 more a week in child support. This of course after an entire year of not paying a penny. How a man can look himself in the mirror I will NEVER know! And he pays 42% out of pocket after I pick up the first 58%! This world is ridiculous - divorce is nothing more than turning a covenant into a business negotiation. Only the "product" is a family - children, extended family. I know this may sound extremely insane - but I would still be married, working through the enormous mental issues H is having = AND lovingly guiding my family. Why??? Don't I deserve something better?? - Because I made a vow in front of God and friends and family and that means something! 10 years, 20 years from now I truly believe I would never have regretted doing that.
Today, 10-20 years from now I will still be this same person. I do not have regrets about what I have done within the marriage - nor after this devastation. I am nor will I ever be perfect. But I am the type of person who tries not to make the same mistake twice. I am the type of person who tries to listen and adjust my behavior to reflect the needs of the whole. I have cried in front of my kids / friends / family. I have slept a lot - I have had many days when I have barely gotten by. But I have no regrets.
I have this site to thank for helping me through this dark, ugly time. I am FINALLY beginning to feel glimpses of "better" - not necessarily "good" - but better.
Thank you all and have a great day!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
