Hindsight is 20/20; and also a biotch. You have to play the cards you are dealt. ( I've always wanted to say that in a sentence; thanks Irish) lol
Be kind to yourself Irish. Turn 6 into 7 and 7 into 8. And if after 15 days you find yourself in a funk and a tear drops, so what? You are allowed to grieve. Better to let it out than to keep it in.
I must say you are sounding much stronger every day. Keep going.
Thanks Punkin - received H's "counter" to my "counter" - surprise, surprise, he doesn't want to deal with the house. Will have to work through that. BUT he did accept the language regarding me not believing the marriage is "irretrievably broken" and that I don't believe in or want a divorce. I know it may sound crazy to everyone else - but I want it on record. It's important to me that my children know my beliefs.
Now to sell the house.......
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
received H's "counter" to my "counter" - surprise, surprise, he doesn't want to deal with the house. Will have to work through that. BUT he did accept the language regarding me not believing the marriage is "irretrievably broken" and that I don't believe in or want a divorce. I know it may sound crazy to everyone else - but I want it on record. It's important to me that my children know my beliefs.
I have a feeling that out sitches are pretty close to being the same...the house for one and I have also been toying with the thought of putting in writing that I did not want the D. I understand very much where you are coming from with that!
Enjoy your peaceful night at home LB!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I put language saying that I didn't believe our M was irretrievably broken in my D decree. My H/XH didn't have any trouble with the language but I had to stand firm with my L to get it put in. My L was concerned that the judge might not want to sign the decree with that language in it. My judge was a real cowboy. I'm sure he didn't even look at the decree.
Fast forward to today.....2 years after our D decree was signed...........my XH seems to be coming out of his fog and I think he probably remembers that I didn't think our M was irretrievably broken.
GAG - Thanks for that post. I needed the language for me. My STBXH shows nothing but complete disdain for me. I am blown away by this. Anyway - I figure if he ever comes out of his fog, he can follow the kids to me.
How are things interacting between you and X? IB
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I agree with needing the language for you. That's why I did it too.
My XH seems to be peeking out of his tunnel a bit and he seems to consider me to be someone he can talk to these days. His mother is dying and he's letting down his walls. I think he may have split with his most recent GF. In short, things have changed dramatically in the last 12 months.
I have been visiting your thread when I can. You have grown so much stronger since the bomb. I am happy for you.
It's still a day-to-day journey. Still a very odd sense of being - but I'm getting there.
Another aspect to H's "counter" - reduced child support and share of out of pocket medical expenses. He offered $13 more a week in child support. This of course after an entire year of not paying a penny. How a man can look himself in the mirror I will NEVER know! And he pays 42% out of pocket after I pick up the first 58%! This world is ridiculous - divorce is nothing more than turning a covenant into a business negotiation. Only the "product" is a family - children, extended family. I know this may sound extremely insane - but I would still be married, working through the enormous mental issues H is having = AND lovingly guiding my family. Why??? Don't I deserve something better?? - Because I made a vow in front of God and friends and family and that means something! 10 years, 20 years from now I truly believe I would never have regretted doing that.
Today, 10-20 years from now I will still be this same person. I do not have regrets about what I have done within the marriage - nor after this devastation. I am nor will I ever be perfect. But I am the type of person who tries not to make the same mistake twice. I am the type of person who tries to listen and adjust my behavior to reflect the needs of the whole. I have cried in front of my kids / friends / family. I have slept a lot - I have had many days when I have barely gotten by. But I have no regrets.
I have this site to thank for helping me through this dark, ugly time. I am FINALLY beginning to feel glimpses of "better" - not necessarily "good" - but better.
Thank you all and have a great day!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
But you are trying to make sense of a man who is in crisis, who is lost and broken and gone bye bye.
It matters not what he is doing. He might one day have to answer for his actions. He might one day wake up and realize the devastation he has wrought. I'd rather be me any day of the week.
But what matters is that you are ok with you. It matters that you have acted with dignity, courage and grace. It matters that you have been there for your children.
