Changes are here to stay regardless. I want her to take me back for who I have and will become. I still struggle with worrying about how she could react to my words or actions.
EXAMPLE: Even thou I no live in house we still use joint checking account. W is spending $ as if I still live there and it causes me stress. I say little things here and there but am weary of making moves to curb the spending (like having my $ deposited in separate account) cause I don't want this to push her to the final D decision. So I vent to family and they swear up and down that the only reason she hasn't made final D is cause she is dragging it out until I take $ away and having/eating cake too.
As I said before I didn't get to see kids all week cause I was sick. This morning I get a call from W. (She is agitated) She tells me that there is baby shower for HS friend today and kids don't want to go, would I watch them? I wanted to see my kids so I agreed and asked what was troubling her? "I didn't want to ask you for help, that's what's wrong". Kids come over, we have fun, give boy a bath, all goes well. Few hours later W shows up and actually comes inside my moms house. (Always honks). W is in a good mood, says she is happy that she went, time flew by, great to see old friends again. Thanks me for watching kids and goes home. I call hours later to tell kids night and they tell me that they are helping mom make a new room in her bedroom. "How so"? Moving furniture, putting your stuff in closet, taking down frames on wall (wedding stuff) and putting up wall decals. GREAT!
So all I can hear inside my head is the voice of my family members who tell me that I am making it to easy on W and rushing to fix things. She had kids all week, no break. When I talked to her I could tell she needed break. She wanted that break by having me take kids and I did that cause I didn't see them and missed them something awful. She recharge at shower and goes home and erases more of me from my bedroom.
