It's me that's cycling!

[dolphin_05]

Hi GAG, Sanderika and Seeking, Thanks for your generous responses.

I will give you the standard reminder first........."H moved toward you last night, so don't be surprised if he pulls a way for a bit"...............

I'm ready! I still have this detachment in place and I'm thinking that's healthy, esp given the history of warm, warmer, cold.

Is it possible that H remembers that this was a birthday gift from his family?

Yes, he actually made comment that this was one of the shirts he had been given later in the evening.

Did H have photos of OW framed at his place before?

No, just the portrait

I agree that it sounds like OW is gone. She is probably trying to get back into his life but if their break up was rancorous, her attempts will probably only serve to irritate him.

He did get a text at about 10pm. He went off to check it but didn't say who it was. i imagined it being her at that late time.

I think that NOW is the time to soften up toward H a bit. He will be looking for something to fill the void left by OW and your going dim recently. If you don't fill that void he will find someone else who will.

I think this is when we can make something happen or drive them backwards. AND this is where it gets really hard to make the right decision on behavior and comments to keep them interested in pursuing a reconnection with us. For me I keep a distance and am reluctant to go out on a limb because I do not want to be jilted and hurt. I have doubt that I am doing this right. I cannot help being very reserved.

Wow Cas! I'd say keep your expectations low and see what happens!

I'm hearing you on this. I think the required skill will be in not pursuing but being receptive in my responses but H may also sit back since he has made an initiation and see what I do. I will again be very busy with work this week so this will ensure my enthusiasm is kept in check.

The way I look at it is that this will be the final push for me. If my XH doesn't make significant forward progress this time (I have a 6 month timeline in mind) I am really fine with moving on.

I'm with you on this. I can't wait around too much longer. It seems I've outlasted ow and clearly he enjoys my company or there would be no invitation and he obviously wanted the company or he wouldn't have initiated the movie. After the movie he offered tea/coffee so again, no push out of the door, even though it was late.

One other thing I remembered was that H was particularly sweet when D decided to go to bed. He said, "Would you like me to tuck you in?" and she said yes so when she was ready she called out to him and he went into her bedroom to kiss and hug her goodnight and switch off the light. It reminded me that he used to do that for me too before we lost our way.

I think on reflection I saw quite a bit of the old H last night and I liked seeing that side of him re-emerging. Then my cynical side emerges and I wonder if it will be gone again next time. I somehow doubt it.

It appears to me that H was trying really hard to put on a truly wonderful birthday for you.

I think he did it all in a very casual way.....like the wine as a gift. he was saying here's a dinner for your birthday but it's just a relaxed, casual thing and it was set up deliberately relaxed so that I wouldn't have expectations of anything further. I get that. It really was a 'let's just see how this goes' thing. Of course, I can see that H does have genuine care for me, no doubt, but I got a real sense of him just sitting back and getting a 'feel' for things.

It would be very nice and appropriate of you to send H some more thanks and gratitude for doing what he did, keep it warm and real (don't pour it on too heavy). Perhaps you could open the bottle of wine with your "take home" meal and then call/email him to reaffirm your pleasure with his choice.

I thought I would drop him a little note later in the week. Last time I did that he sent me a thank you text but I do like your suggestion, Sanderika and I probably will text him to thank him for the 'take home' meal.

HIGH FIVE to daughter for her oh so sneaky peek for the photo!!! I love it!!!

She's good! And now she'll be looking for more clues if I know her!

Now I'm about to bake before H and D return with my car. I always bake Sunday mornings so D will not think this strange but I will make H's favourite cake and I want it ready when they arrive.

Hugs and thanks once again for your collective wisdom.

Cas