Recovering after a same sex affair - Part 3

[sparks14]

Sparks - you're in that weird stage where you have a newborn and a job and crazy relationship issues/therapy and things get sort of all consuming. Just get out of it sometimes - be alone and go for a walk or something. I don't think you're any more focused on this than I am, but it seems like you really identify with writing/mulling over the play by play. Not a bad thing, BUT this character trait seems to be translating into a lot of communication and looking for feedback (play by play) from the W. It sounds like she wants to give it to you, too - telling you it's ok to be upset, etc.

I don't know if you are leaving her a life line/working towards reconciling, or giving her a safety cushion. If you were farther along, it would seem like you would be putting things back together with these talks and moments. But she's moving out...she's taking the dog, furniture, money, and trying to push for more time with your baby (she's got an argument a lot of women would identify with since she is nursing him, maybe that's why your therapist seemed to be on her side - I am actually afraid sometimes that my H is just waiting that out so he can get more time)

Thanks, AJ. It is indeed a weird situation. I am doing my best to detach. It can be pretty difficult when we live separate but still see each other everyday. I avoid the extra texts and calls, though. This is one of the best things I can do right now.

I don't know what the deal is going to be with her once she moves into her own place today. I support her need for space and self discovery, although, we still have a baby that we trying to co-parent. She tells me that she wants to give me as much access to our S at the new apartment as possible, but I then agreed to her that I didn't want to do that often due to the need for space. She pulled the 50/50 co-parenting for an infant may not be the best for our S. I have been doing research, and this is a popular opinion. It is very rare to split an infant 50/50 like we do. This is a whole new topic for me to get into that I will save for later, but I do understand your concerns with your child.

Communication is occurring, which I find very positive. We have not talked at this level in a long time. We are going to therapy together. We get along great and laugh together often.

If this were any other situation, I would say that I could DB my a$$ off and save this marriage. Due to the elephant in the room, I know that both of us are probably just as confused. I don't know what I am to her right now.

This is her call to make right now. I told her that I would give her time and patience to figure out who she is and what her needs are. In the meantime, I will DB and improve our relationship.

So in the end, I really don't know. I still think I 180, detach when I can, and GAL.

I do take care of myself and get away. I go for long walks with the baby strapped on. I started exercising more. I usually meet friends out for beers once a week. I try to find something new and fun to do often. I know GAL will be huge for me.

Thanks for checking in AJ.