WAW Staying Positive Is Positively Painful

[Busting Mode]

Blessed,

Just finished reading through your thread. I had not read it before because I am doing by best to stay positive and did not want to hear anybody telling me that being positive is painful.

Of course I know it can be, I just wasn't ready to tackle the idea head on.

Now I am and maybe this will help us both.

I completely disagree with you.

I do not believe that staying positive is positively painful.

My understanding is that all human behavior is driven by one of two primary mental impulses. Either the need to avoid pain, or the desire to gain pleasure.

First we have negative thoughts which are trying to keep us out of pain - they are telling us to be careful and suggesting ways that we can protect ourselves. Negative thoughts are for survival and so often come louder and faster than positive thoughts.


In contrast, our positive thoughts are constantly seeking pleasure and telling us to "go for it" - they are constantly offering up ways for us to feel good, be creative, enjoy, have fun...

Like being a judge in the courtroom, their is a challenge being able to assess both points of view to determine what is best.

Most people are unaware they have the ability to simply be neutral for a moment and objectively view the drama going on in their head.

They have not yet learned that knowing there essential purpose - knowing what's real and truly most important to them - is the way to determine when it is time to put on the gas, and when it is time to put on the breaks.

I submit to you it is not staying positive that is painful. What is painful is focusing on the loss. Focusing on the pain. Focusing on what is bad.

"There are no greater slaves than those who believe they are free"

IMHO it appears you think you are staying positive, and you may even be thinking of being free, but as long as WE focus on what's gone or what went wrong, we will fail to move forward.

We will think we have moved on when we really haven't, and so of course we won't.

To me staying positive doesn't so much mean having hopes of reconciling with my wife. I do have those hopes, but more and more I am learning to let go and "trust in God while locking up my camels".

Being positive means being positive for me. For becoming a better man for me. Not for my wife. Not even for me kids.

For me.

I am positive that things I am doing to make myself feel better will have a positive impact on all of my relationships, as well as give me the strength of character required for that time when and if I ever decide that I am ready to burn the bridge completely and cut my WAW off for good.

For now, what keeps me feeling positive are the things I do each day to feel great about myself.

I am no longer looking for, requiring, or depending on my wife's actions to help me to stay positive about our relationship, our chances together, or anything else.

I am continuing to give her chances, I am just very careful about being so attached to them that it makes me feel unstable.

This all very new for me, as well. In fact just the other day I allowed my fears to get the better of me and went careening way off track, but I've noticed that the more I focus on feeling better about myself, the better I keep on doing for myself.

I adored hearing your comments about the Packers and monster truck racing and all this other quick little bursts that were so genuinely you.

That's the Dad who is truly blessed and can inspire other people, myself included, to really be their best.

Thank you for being you, and quit crying about crap like this...

It is truly discusting the way she treats me. I am a father raising 4 children with little help from her and paying her child support so she can drop our children off at a babysitter on the rare occassions she has them.

The worst part is she had humiliated me for holding on and now plans to crucify me for moving on. How in God's name can she show NO MERCY to a man who has only defended against her attacks... A man who was loyal and good to her... A man who is a great father handling a great responsibility... A man that she wronged? Lord please tell me how!?

What are some things you can now focus on being, doing or having even more, that might then result in you being, doing and having even more?


Peace.