Sitting at home with myself.

[Sad_but_happy]

2step, I wonder what would happen if YOU took your kids from W?

I bet she would fight!

There are consequences for bad behavior!

What happened to MEN in this country? It's like the pussification of men!

Imnot saying that we are nothurt, me included but your kids should be your life!

I want my wife back as we all do, BUT not at ANY cost. And cattainly not at the cost of losing my children.

Maybe I'm in the minority, but my opinion stands!

[Sad_but_happy]

I really need to get off these boards. Something has changed even in the short time I've been here...

The vets have all left for a reason...

I do wish everyone good luck...

[Sad_but_happy]

One more thought then I'm out...

Keep in mind that DB'ing is about getting YOU healthy... It has little to do with getting your S back.

If those healthy changes bring your S back, and you want them back then great!

It has nothing to do with giving your S all the control. It has nothing to do with pussyfooting around your S.

It's about losing the fear! Don't be afraid to fight for your children...

SBH... Out!

[♪CS♪]

SBH. You're obviously frustrated, but leaving the board is not the answer. We need all of the active people here we can get. Difference of opinion is not a bad thing. It creates quality discussion.

[2stepboogie]

SBH:

Every sitch is different. I know you have read Timmy T sitch because I have seen you post, in that scenario I agree with that approach. In Navys case i do not. She has moved close to her support base. She has not prevented him from seeing the kids. She is not in a R with someone else. She has felt hurt and lonely for a long time in the M so she left.

Is she right?

Who knows.

What you are suggesting is an escalation where right now doesn't need to be one.

If the goal is to try and save your M then I don't see how escalating will do that.

DBing is about taking care of yourself, I agree, in you go about doing that by first recognizing what you have done to contribute to the decline of your M, only then can you really begin to grow. Is his W's decision to leave one that I condone,no ofcourse not. I don't condone my W leaving either, but I understand it.

The time to fight for the kids might come I just don't feel he is at that point.

What happened to MEN in this country? It's like the pussification of men!

I don't know what you mean? Why aren't we locking our women up in the basement or coming at them both guns blazing? I will continue to grow as a person and as a man. If my W and I get back together then great, if not I will survive. I will NOT lose myself in the process, but I will grow and continue to be better.

I have to take accountability for my actions in this, if not I will repeat it.

your kids should be your life!

I agree with this statemtn. What is better for the kids at this point? For Navy to draw a line in the sand and escalate things or for him to continue to exercise patience and continue to grow as a person. What is better for the kids? For Navy to maintain a good R with his W regardless of the outcome or for them to end up like so many other D couples and be enemies.

In my case it is different because W and I had no children, I have a D from a previous M. I can tell her to walk anytime with no loss to either one of us. I have chosen to stand for my M until I chose not to. She does not determine my timeline only I do.

I want my wife back as we all do, BUT not at ANY cost

I agree with this also. There are lines I will not cross. Nowhere have I read or heard that the best approach is to stick your head in the sand and allow your spouse to walk all over you. I will grow as a person. I will not lose myself in order to save my M.

[Navyguy]

2step, I think you are right. Escalating is not what we need right now. Should I apologize for telling her what I did last night? Thinking about going dark for awhile too...and stopping talking to friends and family about the sitch...it is not helping my cause at all.

[Sad_but_happy]

Navy, your W is creating a situation where she will LEAGALLY be able to keep your kids in the state they currently are...

I hope you are all correct in your assumptions. If in fact she does not come back to the M then Navy will have the fight of his life just to get his kids back.

I suggest you talk to a lawer Naby and quick!

We are no longer talking about your M, we are talking about your ability to see your kids...

[2stepboogie]

2step, I think you are right. Escalating is not what we need right now. Should I apologize for telling her what I did last night? Thinking about going dark for awhile too...and stopping talking to friends and family about the sitch...it is not helping my cause at all.

Apologize only if you feel you put her in an uncomfortable position, not to get some sort of reaction.

I said this before on your thread.

Friends and family are like boomerangs.

This is about YOU and your M but mostly about YOU. They can't help you. This is something you have to do on your own.

[2stepboogie]

Navy, your W is creating a situation where she will LEAGALLY be able to keep your kids in the state they currently are...

I hope you are all correct in your assumptions. If in fact she does not come back to the M then Navy will have the fight of his life just to get his kids back.

I suggest you talk to a lawer Naby and quick!

We are no longer talking about your M, we are talking about your ability to see your kids...

SBH:

This is a controlled separation at this point. I am not saying if it turns south don't seek legal protection all I am saying is I don't believe that time is now.

Only Navy knows that

[Navyguy]

When i was referring to friends and family, i was talking about my support network, not W's. Most of my people think that I am nuts to have let this go on for this long. Having been here and talking with them combined with the anticipation of leaving the kids again is what drove me to talk with W yesterday.

While i do agree that I dont want to escalate things now, I think my biggest problem is that I feel like this isn't a controlled separation, while she probably thinks she is being mire than fair. We did not agree on any of this ahead of time, and I do realize that the longer things stay the way they are now, the harder things will be for me if things turn south. I'm sure she knows all of this too. I still think she was honest yesterday when she told me that she's trying to figure things out and hasn't had the space to do so...