Sparks - I am going to try to aim for that approach. Do something with my son and see if she show's interest. Aye or nay, it doesn't matter. But I will mention to her that our son would enjoy it if all of us can have some fun
I don't think the time is right for you to be asking her for a family day together. I know if I was packing up and getting my stuff out of the house.....that would be the last thing I'd want to do would spend time as a "family". Cold, huh? But it is what it is.
Don't do things with your son to see if she notices. You don't have a R with him in order to get her attention. You have to get this mindset that you build your life on you and your child--and mentally set her free of any part. No family outings.....no date nights.....you don't spend time with her. She doesn't want to be with you, and you should never use your son as your ticket to be with her. I'm sure he would enjoy being with both parents, but she has to find out how it's going to be when the parents are split.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Was in bed early to have an early 5am start at work. Suddenly noticed that my wife had been texting and calling me. I called back and she explained how our son had been projectile-vomiting pretty much everywhere. He was asking her to stay close so she wondered if I could pick up some rehydration drinks and some carpet cleaner. I agreed and spent almost the next hour and half with them. My wife needed to wash all the messed up sheets, covers and clothes, so I got to hang out with our son.
My wife said that she would take off from work on Friday. We agreed if our son was still not feeling good by the time I'm done with work, I'll take care of him. I left at 11:30pm.
Almost at midnight, I get a call from my wife again, saying our son vomited more and messed up one of the last covers, and wondered if I could bring an extra cover over, and perhaps sleep in the living room so I don't have to travel back and forth to my house. I did and our poor boy had a hard time sleeping the entire night/morning until about an hour before I quietly left to work.
I agree with Sandi, Alamo. Right now it's all about YOU and your son. Spending time with him for the BOTH of you. Your W is not part of the equation at the moment. Hopefully she can be again at some point, but for now keep the focus where it needs to be.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
I agree with Sandi, Alamo. Right now it's all about YOU and your son. Spending time with him for the BOTH of you. Your W is not part of the equation at the moment. Hopefully she can be again at some point, but for now keep the focus where it needs to be.
Hey Zen, I can't remember where I posted, but I recall you saying you haven't had a chance to talk to a DB coach yet, is that correct?
BTW, I agree with all y'all input. i'll stay on the downlow until things settle down on all fronts. I need patience, dangit! My wife wants file in June, so I feel desperate at times. I know I shouldn't, but I do.
I just find the whole of yesterday interesting, with how my wife asked about my job, and the entire thing with our son being ill. Especially the latter, I hope I didn't seem to my wife like I lack boundaries.
After work, I bought some medicine for our son to drop off at my wife's new place. I let her rest while I played, had dinner and took care of my boy. While playing I saw one of my wife's to-do lists on the table. There were a bunch of things crossed out. What caught my eye and made my heart sink was right at top of the list: "DIVORCE PAPERWORK". It had not been crossed out along with "Transfer mailing address" and "Pay bill". Her resentment and yearning for freedom are outweighing what I once thought were her strong sense and sensibility. Y'all should see the place she's living in right now -- it's old and well, not the same as our current house. It's just sad how she is living scruffily like a single person again with a child. Yet she will probably tell you she's happy and glad to be out of our home/neighborhood, and free from me.
She even had the nerve to talk down to me about taking care of our son. It started with her suddenly thanking me for coming over last night. I told her it was my duty as a parent. Then she underhanded me and said, "Of course you should". What?!? Tell me something y'all -- should I have just let her deal with our son alone since she walked out of this marriage? Yet, my responsibility to my son is just as strong a reason to be there for him even if mom acts and talks like a jerk when she feels like it.
With that said, I can definitely take this kind of conversations, but I will admit to you that seeing "Divorce Paperwork" on that list made me extremely sad -- for all of us, especially our litte boy.
Tell me something y'all -- should I have just let her deal with our son alone since she walked out of this marriage? Yet, my responsibility to my son is just as strong a reason to be there for him even if mom acts and talks like a jerk when she feels like it.
Was it truly 100% for your son?
I know it is one of the hardest things to do, but being sad will only fog your brain. You need to be on top of your game right now. Emotions can wait.
That said, I had a moment of anger today. Wanted to scream and punch something. A few deep breaths. It passed.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Absolutely -- my whole self has been aching for my son to feel better today. It hasn't helped that I've been awake since 3am this morning because I was trying to calm him down enough to sleep. I'm tired, my wife is gone, our son was sick, and me seeing that list...well, they all add up.
It's been only a week since she moved out, so I pray that her mind and heart will get to breathe better now, that perhaps she will see that I'm on her side.
It's also interesting that I have been feeling better since she moved out as well. Not that I like it, but some space is good. Wish she didn't see the need to take our son and dog with her. It's too quiet here now.
