Had a bad day today. Sometimes the ups/downs are to much to handle. I was sick all week so I didn't get a chance to see my kids and that led to me feeling like junk today. People say this is hard and unfair. Words like that don't begin to express the pressure you're under everyday. The not knowing, the loss of control, puts crazy thoughts into your mind. I have tried to let go of the of my sitch mentally, not mind read all of the W's words and actions but every time I try to have no contact with the W something about the kids come up and I have to talk to her!
Thoughts of being a failure as a husband and a father continue to hover inside of me, crushing any feelings of happiness that I try to have. I told the W that I have come to terms that we are getting D but it does nothing to make me feel better. I'm tired of worrying about my words and action, if she doesn't like it that it will be the final nail.
