My Story - He Cheated while I was Pregnant

[AJM80]

Hi - sorry, started to post an update lst night, but was just too tired.

Talked to my boss, he said he'd make sure we got my unpaid leave extended. So, not going back to work (I've been on unpaid leave since before he moved out), but not letting go of that cushion yet either.

The child support laws where I live require him to provide enough money for us that I would be able to live on it where my parents/his parents are. However, if I was required to stay in the same state, we might have some issues. Sometimes I wish I had not confronted him about the EA. I know there is no way I wouldn't have - he was doing too many crazy things to just let it go.

I have a pretty decent relationship with in-laws - his dad is realy good at not talking about it, other than to just make sure the kids and I are ok in a general way, healthwise and financially. His mom is very upset about it, so it is much harder for me to keep and/or draw boundaries with her. Still, I've gotten better at it in the last 6 months.

I asked H about what sort of schedule we are looking at - he is going to try to be around for most of their visit to support me/interact with them. But having him around for 2-3 days straight, playing happy family, presents its own challenges. I did say that I'm not ready to give up all my alone time with the kids for a couple days and we'd have to find some balance.

So, last night, super weird. Early in the week, we had a few brief convos where I was pretty emotional. I'm having a lot of stress induced by the baby's upcoming surgery. But, I wasnt weeping or emotional about us. I did say us being split made this a little ahrder for me, because it had shaken my faith a little.

So, H brought over a large piece of furniture and I was super complimentary that he'd lugged it on foot from the store a few blocks away. He seemed stunned that I was so upbeat/excited - seriously though, I dunno how he did it.

Later he showed me a couple bruises on his arm (bizarre - he spilled on his shirt, then did laundry and just wore a zip up vest during dinner. it was pretty funny. Got weird later when he was folding up his clothes and it became apparent that he'd washed everything he could, down to socks and underwear. Apparently it's not fun trying to work full time, visit kids, and get laundry done) One bruise he explained, the other he said was a mystery. I said, without drama, that could be like a hickey bruise. He said it def was not. I joked, what, all women don't love to kiss you there (on the inside of his arm) like I did? That was pretty light - not sexual or angry, just joking around. I don't know if he's ditched the OW or just forbidden hickeys.

Once our kids were asleep, we had to talk a little about my job and his parent's visit. I don't think it went well....but maybe it did in a weird way? I brought up my leave ending and he asked me what my alternatives were and if I was ok giving up a career I had worked so hard for and if I was ok relinquishing that control. I said I generally felt like I could and should trust him to care for us and provide for us, but that he'd really f___k'd me over a couple times on that lately and I wanted to know what he thought of his abilities to live up to that obligation (not in those words, but that's kind of how I think I phrased it).

I was not angry or mean about it - I used harsh words, but a light, calm tone. He asked if I was still planning on moving away when the lease was up. I said I was considering it, but that it seemed like a hard thing to put the kids through. I asked how we were doing financially overall, he kind of said it is what it is and that he planned to move to a cheaper place when his lease is up.

I asked what his best case for the fall would be to give him an opportunity to give input(us moving, us staying, etc). He stood up and said, that's not a fair question to ask me as I am leaving. I said, (not emotionally), that we were having a conversation and he made the choice to leave right then. He walked out, without saying goodbye. We had another 10-15 min before he needed to go.

I texted later, asking if he'd left like that because he was mad or sad. He said he was just not ready to "go where I was taking that conversation" I wrote back that I wanted him to know that if he had any input on "best outcome" (for co-parenting our kids), that I would be willing to consider it/listen. I think texting his was right - I was not trying to pursue the convo, more just clarify what had happened.

Anyway, that was my night. I think I'm finally detaching a little more. I don't really want to fight with him, but I'm not being a pushover either.

Sparks, I know what you mean - it's hard to adjust to the new reality with in laws. They're looking to me sometimes to help them understand what is happening, since he's really turned inward because he's hurting so badly over all this. I'd send greeting cards, if your wife would approve. Still commemorate mother's day, etc. Gives you a chance to show your love without undermining her attempts to heal things with her parents or getting yourself in a weird spot with them. tera's right, sometimes I do get into convo's with them that I don't think I should be having...