I'm on the "other side" of the river, just east of the Big H. I'm in the town of "M" if you get my drift. Most of my life, work, wife's work, etc is the greater H area.
Lived here 11 years. Moved from MWD's base of operations. Nearly all of my wife's family and all of my family are in CO.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
JTB. I noticed in your other thread you referenced a Social D song. You still into that band?
I'll admit it. Things are going good for the past week or so...and it is scaring the h-e-l-l out of me. My W has increased the physical affection by a small amounts and I know those are huge for her. I'm trying to be aware of that. Part of it leaves me wanting a little more. But part of me wants to just take it slowly and not just get back into a rut. I'm glad we have and MC to help guide us to a great marriage again. Overall, I'm more optimistic than I've been in a long time and feel more secure. I guess I'm glad I don't feel 100% normal about things b/c that would probably mean I'm not really dealing things. I really want to say ILY to my wife, but the last time I did that was a fiasco, and I don't know if I can say it without expectations yet. Sigh.
I'm not really one to post song lyrics that remind me of our situations. But this one I couldn't resist. It's like the DB them song.
180 by Ridel High (kinda pop-punk)
I wanna be a lot better than The way that I’ve always been I know that I made mistakes That might have cost the world to me
Maybe someday you will find Everything that you left behind Don’t measure up to me when I turn myself around
I know that this might sound so crazy I gunna do something for my lady I’m gunna turn 180 (180) 180 Gunna turn 180
Wanna look up to myself Instead of reaching our for help I know I got a long way to go Before I can help you too
Never thought that I’d hurt someone That I loved more than anyone I never realized what I’d done Before it’s much too late
I know that this might sound so crazy I gunna do something for my lady I’m gunna turn 180 (180) 180 Gunna turn 180. (bridge) I know that this might sound so crazy I gunna do something for my lady I’m gunna turn 180 (180) 180 Gunna turn 180. (180) 180 Gunna turn 180 180 180
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
I think I need to clarify some things: Some of the things I've written here may not be entirely fair to W. I have said that our working is one-sided. I don't believe that. She is working, it's just in a different way and on a different timetable from me, but she is clearly working.
I have also said that when we talk she just says "You're justifying your actions" and won't hear my side of things. It is true that has said that, and does seem to want to terminate the conversation when it comes to my side of things; however, the following is also true:
my biggest comment to her has been that I thought she sent me mixed messages in the past (say one thing, do another or make contradictory statements at different times, etc). I was for sure, guilty of choosing which one I liked and ignoring the other, but that was my side of the issue. She has made two solid changes that indicate she heard me on that. First, she has made comments about not sending mixed messages (in fact, I think our complete lack of physical intimacy has been because of that and her not wanting to "send the wrong message" - guess that one backfired on me ).
Also, she actually said the other day when she was crying and I hugged her "you said I never told you. I say I did, but maybe I didn't". I replied that I definitely "choose what to listen to and what to ignore and I was sorry for that". She kinda mumbled that and moved on quickly, but was the first time ever that she even hinted at the possibility that she had a role in this.
Some times I want the big steps, but I need to be fair with the small ones. So, to be fair to her and our sitch, I just wanted to scale back some of my statements about it all being "one-sided".
On a good note, just got an unsolicited TM from W "How you doing? ily". I love it when I get those in the middle of the day....
M: 39 W: 37 Married: 9 D5; S3 "It's Over" 09/26/10 11 Day Sep 10/10 Piecing Starts 11/4/10 Piecing Fails 4/11 I move out 5/11 Hire Lawyer 6/11 - Stall 6/22/11 Piecing #2 - 6/22/11 Home 10/11
One more note...during TM exchange with W, I mentioned that I was looking forward to the weekend. W replied that she really was too. This sounds trivial except when I think back to the weeks around the bomb when W once told me that she "used to look forward to the weekends but dreads them because we're together". I like the change in that.
M: 39 W: 37 Married: 9 D5; S3 "It's Over" 09/26/10 11 Day Sep 10/10 Piecing Starts 11/4/10 Piecing Fails 4/11 I move out 5/11 Hire Lawyer 6/11 - Stall 6/22/11 Piecing #2 - 6/22/11 Home 10/11
Just journaling...have to note the baby steps so that later I can read this and remember them and when they happened.
Good weekend with wife and family. Couple of small steps that were nice.
Background: my neighbor is a part-time race car instructor. A week or so ago, I asked him when he was going to take me for a ride. Yesterday was that day. First, holy sh**. Over 150 mph in a car is not natural. But I regress....
Before I left, I joked with my wife that the life insurance was all paid up and where the policy was. After I left, I got a TM from W: "Be safe, I would never want anything bad to happen to you. ily". That was nice to get.
After we got home, my W met me in the front yard. We were chit chatting with our neighbor. W says to him "thanks for keeping my man safe". "My Man". Wow. Now, I know this was in public and my W has always put on a good, strong public front, but it's been a long time since I heard her make this kind of possessive comment. She could have just said "him", but she didn't. She choose to say "my man". Big deal? As with all these small steps maybe, maybe not. Who can say? But I like to think so.
A bit of a stressful morning. W tired. Kids uncooperative. Nothing bad, just not great. W calls me on her way to work. She's blah, but not about me. (reminder, she's NOT a morning person). Good chat for about 10 minutes, so all good. I'll write that off as Monday morning moody....and SHE called me.
Still waiting for the big one, but a bunch of small ones add up quick. I'm hanging in there and looking forward to that pot of gold to come.
M: 39 W: 37 Married: 9 D5; S3 "It's Over" 09/26/10 11 Day Sep 10/10 Piecing Starts 11/4/10 Piecing Fails 4/11 I move out 5/11 Hire Lawyer 6/11 - Stall 6/22/11 Piecing #2 - 6/22/11 Home 10/11
XYZ. Nice to see that. Those little things you never really thought about are huge. I don't know if I will ever look at them the same.
The race car sounds like a blast. I've only gotten up to 100 MPH in a Chrysler Cordoba, I had in college. My Sunday started with a 20 mile run in wind and rain. Why do I do it?
Keep up the good work. My man (I'm sure it's not the same coming from me)
My kids were a pain this morning too. Something in the air?
This place was pretty quite over the weekend. I take it that's a good thing?
After a good solid 10 days, I had a minor slip-up on Friday night. Did not go well overall. Probably, set us back a little, but this is a process right??? Rest of the weekend was okay. Saturday was a little rocky. Sunday was better.
But I learned a big lesson here. I cannot text or say to my wife ILY. It's not that she doesn't want to hear it, but I can't do it without expecting the return ILY and when I don't get it, I get angry. The only solution is not to say it. Just like all the other stuff.
Of course my mood was boosted last night when I had NO expectations. My W went to bed and I was feeling a little down. We had a short text exchange and I wished her G'night, as I usually do.
I get this back. "G'nite back. I do love you ya big oaf. just let me get there again where I can show it okay?"
I texted her this morning "Forgot to say Thx for this. & okay, I plan to. :-)
She responds a few min ago.
"You bet. Im really proud of how you have worked your way back to you again. I appreciate the time you gave me to come back to this on my own."
It was nice to hear it since my W isn't free with the ILYs. Nice to see that she feels she is progressing and I am progressing.
Slow and steady will make this race go much better.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
It's not that she doesn't want to hear it, but I can't do it without expecting the return ILY and when I don't get it, I get angry. The only solution is not to say it. Just like all the other stuff.
Morning Harrier, I'm confused. So, why is the only solution to not say it? Do you see any value in doing some reflection to figure out why, when you don't hear it back you get angry? Why does that make you angry?
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
). 