Yes, definitely feeling a mixed bag of emotions at the moment, so I really appreciate you speaking so directly and straight up.
I think part of the problem is I have started to doubt if she and I are meant to be together, too.
And that feels really strange to say because I have always resisted the whole idea of anything being "meant to be".
A big part of that is my fear of being out of control and truly giving things up to God.
Up until yesterday when she flat out rejected - among so many other things she has rejected - my birthday invitation to try a tantric sex workshop with me to see how it might help, I was really feeling pretty good.
She had told me how much she appreciated that I had backed off, and I was feeling good that I wasn't pressuring her in any way, even though the pressures on me right now are huge.
You are right, of course, in saying that unresolved stuff will continue to show up...and I know I'm not really ready or even all that interested in looking for someone else...
Guess I was just looking for a distraction so I wouldn't really have to face the prospect of living the next few years alone with nobody else but me.
I know part of me is actually looking forward to being in my own space alone - wherever that may be - but part of me is still feeling very scared and lonely.
Dang. That's why I love these boards and the people who are here.
Here we can find our own highest truth and practice living better lives.
Thank you Zen.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
