Let Us Be Outstanding Together.

[zengypsy]

BM, Just got caught up on your sitch. I haven't been on the boards much these days because my sitch remains status quo.

Having said that, I find your threads very inspirational and alot of your words really resonate with alot of LBS's. Keep posting, please. Your words are really helpful.

Just curious, what made you decide to join an on-line dating site at this juncture? It's almost like a mixed message because you say that you want to work things out with your W, but if it doesn't then you have some sort-of back up. Did you join to suffice your own ego and insecurities? Do you need a women to validate these things for you and who you are? Did you join because of loneliness?

It's been documented in many of my reads that you should give yourself 1-2 years before you consider dating AFTER a D. Why? Because there is a mourning period and it is extremely unfair for anyone to start up another relationship when it will be for the wrong reasons if you sift through it all. I happen to agree with this philosophy and I know that some do not and will not. There has even been some debate about this theory amongst professional therapists as well. Everyone has their own gage for what is right for their situation. I still feel that you need to give yourself time.

Behavior modification which in essence is what we are doing, takes time. It doesn't take months; it takes years. IMHO you aren't ready to date because your posts indicate that you are still on the rollercoaster ride. That you portray you are confident on most days but yet on others you still question yourself and your M. You need to still work on yourself and continue this fab journey that you have decided to take. Problems are portable so until you have fully purged that old behavior, something or someone may trigger the old one and you may revert back. My therapist had indicated that it's easy to make the changes in our minds, but the daily application is the harder piece.