...the teacher appears

[sage]

Hey SB and Ellie (and all!) -- Thanks for the perspective...I do think that a lot of my struggles lately have been around needing to spend more active time with h...it's been tough with his sickness and school for both of us...guess QT together is a BIG deal for us!

After struggling a fair amount with beating myself up yesterday I decided to offer h an apology and some appreciation for his approach. I think I've mentioned the newletter that I sometimes write for h when he's spent the night at school...so last night (while he was at exam number 2!) I put one together...it's usually only a few paragraphs on what I did at work and at home. The last paragraph was an apology for the mixed messages that I had sent him and thanked him for supporting me.

He was very excited when I picked him up at the train and was SO enthusiastic about my note. He gave me a giant hug and told me that he felt as though he should have been more sensitive to what I was feeling...that gave me an opportunity to remind us both that he doesn't have to be able to read my mind....we had a great night after that...talking about his school, my work, us, etc. He is SUCH a loving man.

This morning...first thing...he called my office and asked me out on a date for tonight pizza at a great restaurant and a movie ("It's a wonderful life") at the cinema that plays the oldies. What a guy I'm married to!!!

It's been a week since I put goals 1 and 2 in place...

I'm doing great on the meditation every day, very good on the exercise (have done something every day although sometimes it's been my 20 minute yoga tape!) and less than stellar on the flybaby 15...this will be my focus for the next few days! Also, I'm chagrined to note that I haven't done ANY significant 180s...I was "supposed" to do two! As I said to Ellie once..."a rut? Who wouldn't want to be in a rut?" --

As for the other goal...a la identifying ways for me to feel loved and supported and for h to feel my love...haven't put overt actions around it yet but I'd have to say that we KNOW what works...just gotta recognize that when life gets hectic.

Sage