Newbie post What to do now

[JustStunned]

Postings in another thread created the following thoughts. I posted a little of this there, but where it applies to my sitch I decided to place it here.

In my sitch though I was trying to make W happy I was hovering and crowding her. I was too attached. This worked early in our M as she played the damsel and I played the knight. She does not know now how to be happy, because I never enabled her to grow. She needed me to detach. She tried to tell me, but not in a manner I understood so I did not.

As you move through this journey improving yourself do not make my mistakes. Grow and sustain your changes so your W can grow also.

As she became increasing unhappy in our R she assigned blame to me. I continued to try and do what I had always done. As the frustration grew I became angrier. The angrier I became the further she retreated to the point of running away. She is now the damsel again waiting for another knight to rescue her.

I cannot be knight to her damsel. This is a cheese less hole. She needs to grow and improve herself before we can think about reconciling. Problem is she is not improving. I have not had recent contact contact, but family that has tells me she is playing the damsel in distress to them, seeking solace and sympathy.

I still want a chance at a new R with her, but I must wait for her to be ready. How long? Until I am done. Would an EA or PA make me done? I don’t know, it would be tough, but I don’t think so.

I think I have identified two things we would need before any MC could be effective. Hold the 2X4s I am not attaching hope to any of this as it is too premature. I know this is too early to really think about or apply much planning to, but I have always been the planner.

The trust between us has been destroyed and needs to be rebuilt. I have no idea how to begin this but a good MC should have suggestions.
W needs to be able to find happiness within her. I cannot affect this she needs to grow into it.