Let Us Be Outstanding Together.

[zengypsy]

Not sure where I got these questions - think it might have been a friend who shared them with me after doing The Landmark Forum.

At any rate, I have found them to be helpful, and most often ask them in the present tense. ie "where am I feeling" vs. "where was I feeling". But answering in the past tense helps me integrate and condition the stronger feelings, beliefs, and empowering new behaviors...


1. Where was I feeling a loss of power?

I was feeling inadequate and insecure as a husband, as a lover, and even as a man. I was indulging in the tired old patterns of "not being worth it" and "not being good enough".


2. How was that showing up in my life?

Well yesterday it was showing up by me constantly checking my facebook and email accounts and telephone to the point of sitting there staring at the screen, and keeping me from my work. Totally unacceptable.

Prior to that it was showing up in my feelings of fear and jealousy and insecurity and distrust of my wife. The feeling of "not being worth it" is devastating pattern that has caused more problems and emotional poverty in my life than I could ever measure.


3. What was I pretending?

By pretending that "I'm not worth it" or "It's not worth it" or "I'm not good enough as I am" or "I'm not worthy of being loved the way I am", then I could get away with being small.

I could believe that things weren't really worth the effort, and I could let myself off the hook without even REALLY trying. I could pretend to go through all the motions, and still have plenty of good excuses when I didn't actually get the results that I desired.

I could also pretend that "Beckie is too big for me" and "we really aren't meant to be together" and that "other men can probably show her a better time in bed".

Then I could even explain it by saying "it's only because of the way those other guys are built", which would allow me to continue acting like a victim and a wimp and avoiding standing up for myself and the things that I desire.

It would even allow me to pretend I didn't have any power or choice in the quality of our relationship, so the fate of our marriage was only up to her and God. Not me.

This way, if she did file for divorce, or if she did sleep with another man, I could still pretend to have some dignity because "I never gave up."

Horse Hockey. Up until recently I wasn't even fully in the game.


4. What is actually true?

The truth is Beckie and I both know that no other person on the planet knows and understand her as well as I do. Nobody else is more attuned, interested or concerned about her feelings, no other man in the world is more devoted to her happiness.

The truth is, whether or not I ever get another chance to prove it to her again, I know that today I am an even more skilled, confident and honest lover than I have ever been before.

I am who I am. The door is open for her right now. It will not be open to her in the future without her making some changes, too.


5. What is my new possibility

My new possibility is to relax and be happy settling into myself even further. Practicing my "authentic swing". Being natural. My own pace. My own stride. My own...atistry.



Remember: To get results like I have never seen before, I must become something I have never been before.

So what must I become:

Today I am the possibility of being the most outstanding Husband, Father, Friend, Lover and Partner that I have ever been.

I'm printing this out! Thanks BM!

Me too! This was awesome stuff.