Quote: ...I tell him that I do feel disappointed that we had kind of dropped the ball on noting this at all...and that since our anniversary is going to fall in the middle of his exams for the next three years that I'd like to be more definitive next year about picking a stand-in date to celebrate.
I think you handled this part well - truthful, non-accusatory, and presenting a plan for how you BOTH can do better next year.
Overall - I think it confirms for me a little of what I've been wondering about your sitch. See, you've been so down lately, questioning yourself, double-thinking - reminds me of myself around June of this year. In retrospect, that is when H's depression had started to get bad again but before he and I recognized it and he got back on his antidepressants. It really wasn't me that was depressed or having trouble with the R - I was just REACTING to him, and soaking up his moods. As soon as he perked up and started behaving like his old self, all my doubts about the R and my feelings evaporated. Never underestimate the power of positive affirmations from your spouse! I've been wondering if you haven't just been reacting to H's ongoing depression and letting it drag you down.
Now, in the past, I might have made something like your anniversary a "test" - if he loved me, he would do XY or Z. And I would have been the stoic martyr and made excuses for him if he didn't. But what I WOULDN'T have done is simply speak up and voice my desires. So I think you handled it well in the end - should have simply done that in the beginning, no?
