my h and son gave me necklace

[Drew]

Did you listen to anything MrBond posted to you?

[rysmom]

Thank you for the story. I koow i have to change my focus and be grateful for what i have.

[rysmom]

Unless my financial future is secure i can not have peace of mind. The only way to do that though is to file, and i am terrified to go down that road. I know how it destroyed my mother when i was young, so it brings up wounds from the past.
When my h starts down any path in life he completes it. He is very good at setting goals and accomplishing them, like planniing his future with ow.
MIL made it through the surgery, which is good, I can't take any more heartache now.

[MrBond]

"Unless my financial future is secure i can not have peace of mind. The only way to do that though is to file, and i am terrified to go down that road. I know how it destroyed my mother when i was young, so it brings up wounds from the past."

Then do something about it. Essentially you're saying you're (for lack of a better term) f*cked whatever you do. Well that may be so, but it will be temporary. In the long run things will get better for you.

But they will only be better unless you start making a decision about your life.

It seems you are fine to blame your H for your sitch, but you haven't done anything to make your life stable long term.

Here's the reality...
Your H's gone. You are worried about your financial future so the only way you are going to feel secure is to get a D.

Then get a D.

Stop thinking about it, just do it. Will it make your life easier? Who knows? But you've got to take a step on your own in your own life. You are the adult here but you are letting your son...YOUR SON...see his mom disintegrate before his very eyes. He's going over to your MIL's place because there's stability there. Unless you get off your @$$ and start giving him the stability he needs, you will lose him as well. Is that what you want?

Is money more important than your son?

[rysmom]

My son doesn't go over to MIL often. He is doing well. We have been playing tennis, and he is going to try out for the school team on saturday. We have been researching colleges too. He wants to take a class in the summer to increase his chances of getting accepted at a college in NYC for film making, he wants to be a producer. He has also started playing street hockey with his friends.

[MrBond]

That's a much more positive post.

Concentrate on him and you. Start taking the steps to secure both of your financial futures without your H. Right now that is the reality of things.

[rysmom]

i text my h yesterday and said "we miss your funny jokes and you" , maybe it wasnt good . I was feeling desperate and figured id do something different. he is really slipping away and it makes me sad that low life woman stole my h.

[rysmom]

i think my h bought ow a car for 15,000 and is buying an expensive radio, navigation, and back up camera for it. I am so sad , he has saved no money for son's college in 1 yr though.

[courageous wife]

Hello Rysmom

Been awhile since I have posted to you and see that you are still in such pain!

If your H is spending all this money on OW then you really, really need to think about protecting yourself financially.

Have you read Brooklyn's story in MLC? Her H took everything and she is stuck with half the debt! She and her son both have health issues, she is having a hard time finding a job...your stories are very similiar.

Rys....protect yourself and your son before it is too late! IF that means filing for a LS or a D then so be it!

It is time to put your son and you first!!!

[sgctxok]

Hi rys-

Sometime I feel like you are asking for permission to divorce your husband. This is completely your call. I will never say, it's time for you to file. But I would say take really good care of yourself. It's better for you and makes you even more attractive.

I would also say, if you choose to file, it's ok. We still support you and care about you. If you choose to still DB your H, that's ok, and if you choose to move on, it's ok. No judgment either way.

You know I divorced my first husband and would never go back, although I do wish I had learned this DBing to improve my marriage so it would never have gotten to that point. Or better yet before I got married so I could have learned great relationship skills and found out who could do that with me before I got married.

G and I have great relationship skills now and we're both sure we're together forever.


What we really want for you, rys, is to be really happy. You get one go around. Just one. We are with you no matter what you choose to do.