H takes all the blame - why?

[angel61]

Dear Virginia,

One of the most meaningful periods in my life involved years of doing charity work as a doctor. I come from a 3rd world country, lived there for 40 years before coming to the US, so I am not a stranger to poverty and oppression.

I met my H during those years. I volunteered my time then to charitable organizations, flying to remote areas in our country, sometimes in rickety C-130 cargo planes, to set up temporary operating rooms in schools, performing eye surgeries for free.The people who came were so poor, but the happiness on their faces when they were able to see after years of being blind was priceless. They would come back with eggs, chickens, even a goat once, trying to repay us. H was with me all those years! Just like me, he felt so fulfilled and happy. Unlike many of our peers, we never counted the days we spent doing those as income lost. Not only was our contribution weighted in money, the risk to our lives was also present - there being rebels, civil unrest in our country at that time.

When we finally settled down and turned our attention on ourselves, to bring up our family, we felt that we were so lucky in many ways, and that our luck was also brought by our generosity, our good hearts. How many times did we look at each other and thank God for our good fortune!

With that kind of shared history behind us, I never thought that my H would one day ever consider turning his back on us. Little did I know that while I went through life with a "my cup is full" kind of attitude, H's cup was draining.

But you know, maybe you have a point there. Our life here is so priviledged, but selfish. Maybe it has become devoid of meaning for H, except for the fact that we have a beloved D. Maybe going back to doing what we used to do, albeit in a different manner, might pull back H into the circle of light and maske him find meanig again. And true, it will be a good way to teach D, as she has lived a sheltered life so far.

That is what is so good about being part of this boards. Everyone is different, there are so many intelligent and interesting people that just by opening your mind you can glean so much and apply to your own sitch. Everyday I read through everyones sitches makes me more mature and gain more and more insight.

Thank you and please keep posting my friends. I love you all.