W came by last night as she had scheduled. Right on time too. Very surprising. I made sure to hit the gym, eat a nice dinner and calm down before she got here. All in all, it went very well. Here are the highlights:
1) She was very nice, not "business-like" at all this time. 2) I was as nice as pie and as upbeat as a LBS could be. 3) She came in, gathered what she wanted together. I helped her carry it to the car and load it up. 4) We shared some really good laughs and talked like old friends. We talked about the upcoming wedding and other things. All very cool. 5) As she was about to leave, I kind of slipped up. I put out my arms to gesture that I thought we should hug. As I was doing it, I was thinking, "NO, you idiot!!" But, she moved right in and hugged me. I started with a half-hearted, one arm hug, but she came in for a full one. So, I grabbed her and hugged for dear life. She didn't pull away. She eventually pulled away, but left her arm around my waist. As she did, she looked me in the eyes and asked me, "How are you doing?" As she did, her voice seemed to crack just a bit and I swear I saw her eyes welling up a bit. I smiled and told her I was doing fine. She replied the same. We hugged again. For the first time in months, I swear I saw genuine emotion and caring in her eyes. I really think the going dark must have worked on her a bit. 6) I kind of failed a second time as she was leaving. I turned her and made her look me in the eyes. I asked her if she was doing OK financially and if she needed money. She kind of dipped her head so that she would have to look at me through her hair and smiled. It was the same smile I grew to love for the past 15 years. She then voluntarily told me all about her financial sitch and said she didn't need any help right now. She then told me how nice it was that I asked.
I walked her to her car and we talked for another 10 minutes in the driveway. She now seems to voluntarily tell me about everything that is going on with her. She told me about the past two weeks, what she has been up to, where she has been and what she plans to do this weekend. Very strange...
She drove away and I went inside. I guess I will chalk this up as a "small victory" for now. She is still hiding her address. Once again, she had peeled all the change of address labels off of the mail. I don't know why that still matters to her, but it does and I will continue to ignore it.
I think the ice is beginning to thaw. I think going dark, GALing and being as nice as I can be to her might just be working. The best part is that I feel great while doing it.
But, I must admit I crashed a bit after she left. I hadn't seen her in weeks and it felt nice to be in her presence. I did cry after she left because I miss her so much. And, I was ready for her to be cold and uncaring. But, just the opposite. The friendlier I got, the friendlier she got. It was completely different than what I expected. I guess that shocked me so much, I collapsed emotionally after she left. And, she was still wearing her wedding band behind another ring. It was on the wrong hand, but it was on her hand none the less.
I feel good about our visit. No, we are NOOOOOOOO where near any kind of reconciliation, but we are definitely firmly planted in the "friends" zone for now. And, I am OK with that. There are many out there that would trade places with me right now.
She confirmed last night that she will attend my brother's wedding. I guess I will have to be on my A-game that night. A couple of my friends have dared me to ask her to dance. I will have to see what happens when the time comes.
Damn, I miss her. But, at least she is no longer working to punish me, spitting venom at me or avoiding me. She even agreed to come back again one night next week to look for some stuff she could not find. I told her we would "look together" and she smiled and agreed.
Folks, if this isn't a testament to how well the DBing principles can work, I don't know what else is. When used properly, going dark, GALing, LRT'ing and being nice can work.
I still have miles to go before sleep, but at least I can now kind of feel the road moving beneath my feet...
BITS never walk alone!!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
