I have a feeling, and of course the odds are against me that I am right, but I feel that a positive moment freaks these WAW's out a bit. It crushes the reality they have built.
I am in the same boat. Nothing since our walk. When she left that day she said "OK, I send you pics of D tonight." Nothing. Last night I had D. Pretty much like clockwork when I have D she text asking how she is and wants a pic. Nothing. Tonight, she has D again. Nothing.
IDK, like has been said many times, no way to understand a WAW...
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
2step, Sorry to hear the news. But, you are better than that and you kind of knew this might happen. I think whenever they see a moment where there "plan" is failing, they pull back. Hang in there, buddy. I still think you have this thing moving in the right direction. Just not as quickly as you would like...
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
The odds are, you are right. It doesnt crush their reality though, it would take a miracle to do that, but it does make them question it. Anything positve, moments, changes in you, anything, makes the WAW question her decision. WAW's dont like to question their decisions. Its the same reason why, when they first walk away, you are responsible for 100% of the problems in the marriage. Why do you think none of them want to go to MC? When they are done, they are done. They dont want anything or anyone to make them question that decision. They want it to be easy and remain easy.
So keep up all the positive changes and good things you are doing. The more you can make them question the better off you will be. Im 11 months post bomb and D is sched. to be final 4/6. I probably wont save my M, as I made too many mistakes early on. I made her decision easy back then. But when I started to do things right , I saw big changes in my W. She has doubts now, even cried at our last court date, so now its a hard decision for her.
ME:47 WAW:45 SON:19 SON:12 M:21 yrs T: 22 yrs BOMB: 3/26/10 EA/PA apr-may 2010 Current: no OM (I think) moved out sept 2010 D filed D w/b final 4/6/2011
Hi everyone, Im at my wits end. I am trying to save my marriage. My H walked out in dec2010 He was having an EA but claims that has no bearing on him leaving. He has blamed me for everything. Reasons like, didnt appreciate him, never said thank you, didnt show enough affection, etc. I have believed this has been my fault and cant get past it. He filed D papers a month ago. Since then i know he has seen OW atleast once since she lives in another state. I just cant believe this is happening. I ve been trying the LRT but i really dont think its working. Ive had very limited contacted with him, usually thru texts but none for the last 10 days or so. I have to sign papers tomorrow regarding his reasons for wanting out and my atty has advised me to counter petition. I know it is to protect me but it doesnt give the impression to H that i still want to save this. We have been married 29 years. Together 34 years so this is so devastating. There were past suspicions on my part that there may have been OW but of course it was always denied. How come I cant hate this man? All the pain he has caused me and our children. How hard is it to save a marriage? I know i have made mistakes. He just doesnt care to listen to anything i have to say. Of course i did go through my manic, crazy state with him after he left, lots of calls, emails, texts, and a couple of weeks ago H said the best thing i couldve done was to leave him alone. Have i screwed this up? Did i make to many mistakes? I just cant believe this is the H i married 29 years ago. Any advice you guys could give I would love to hear? Alittle more info. H left 9 years ago for the same reasons,stating all my fault, but came back after 3 months. I cant understand how H could just throw all this away. We were a tight family. This has devastated my children. They have reached out to him in emails but he wont respond.I personally have been trying to make changes for the better for myself but it is so hard. Plus he isnt here to see it. I just dont know what the next step is. I believe if we could just sit down and have a "talk" things would get better. He is avoiding it i believe purposely. Its like he doesnt want to be tempted. THanks everyone. _____________________________________________________________________ Me:51 H:56 S:27 D:25 D: Moved out: 12-06 Bomb 12-10 M: 29 yrs. T: 34 yrs. D Papers: 2-07-10
I am still hopeful she will want to continue to read the book but I have to ask when the moment feels right.
That would be great if she agreed to continue reading with you.
My DB busting coach recommended that I read the 5 Love Languages for Children and then recommend it to the W. I'm about half way through it right now. The W has already agreed to read it. She probably won't read it until she moves, but that is perfectly fine with me. It will at least benefit the kids. Anything beyond that is gravy.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
M “You are officially debt free from the IRS. Congratz”
I put the phone in my pocket and continued shopping at Target. About a minute later she calls from work
W “hey its me”
M “didn’t recognize the number. Where are you calling me from”
W “work. I have a question for you.”
M “Ok”
W “is there any training basis in Mississippi?”
M “yeah the army has been sending people there to train for Afghanistan for a few years now why?”
W “We have a guy who is not paying his loan just wanted to make sure he was not making up stories”
M “oh did you get my text?”
W “no what was it about?”
M “oh you are debt free from the IRS”
W “Really!! How do you know?”
M “I confirmed the payment”
W “thank you so much. That is great. I have to get back to work I’ll call you sometimes this weekend”
M “ok I’ll talk to you later”
Later on tonight she called but I was on the phone with a friend and did not answer. I called back about 30 min later and she did not answer. Then she called back from her mom’s house.
W “hey sorry my phone is charging is almost dead. I just wanted to call and thank you for the IRS payment. I will feel better when I get the letter of confirmation”
M “we won’t get those for two weeks. You are welcomed to call them if you like to confirm”
W “I believe you it’s just I will feel better when I get the letters”
M “When I get them I will scan and email to you”
W “how are you filing?”
M “head of house hold or M separate. Not sure yet”
W “I have to file M separate. Don’t take this wrong way but I am not filing M joint”
M “I wouldn’t expect you to. I did not ask you to”
W “I know I am just sure. I hope you get a big return”
M “$75 bucks. Hardly enough to fill my gas tank.”
W “well ok I gotta go taking my mom out.”
M “ok I’ll talk to you later”
Now I know on the surface this appears to be a very good convo but the tone of voice and demeanor was different than before. She was very business like and not her usual friendly self. Almost cold and distant. Not sure what to make of it, but I won’t spend much time dwelling on it.
2step, I really don't understand her sudden change either. For so very long she seemed to be moving in the right direction, but there has been a change. I really don't know what to say about this right now. I guess MWD would say continue to do what is working, continue to monitor and make changes where necessary.
Keep us posted!
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
