Thank you BITS! You truly stepped up when I needed you. I have to shake this one off and pick my head back up. I knew about this OM and I know I have a huge battle in front of me, but I will not quit. FOBD, I want what is behind door number 2 more than anything I have ever wanted in my life.
She called me right after work to see if I was on my way to her grandparents yet. I said I was running late at work and had to run an errand before I would get there. She got testy and said she didn't want to be there long. I didn't bow down and said right back that I can just get my hair cut somewhere else. Her tone changed immediately. She said if I was gonna be too late that I could stop by her mom's and she would cut it there. This I saw as a small victory, that she was altering her plans so she could be the one to cut my hair.
I did end up going to her grandparents for dinner. We all had a nice convo. We sat by each other with our D2 in between in her high chair. I caught my W at least twice, looking at me and smiling, like she was glad to see me. After dinner, she cut my hair. Her grandma watched our D2 so we could chat. The convo was lite with a few laughs. I'll be totally honest with my BITS. It felt great to have my W hands run through my hair again. The little things a man misses. We both left about the same time. I was first and she waved to me as I left. I believe OM will still be in town tomorrow, so I'm taking this whole night with a grain of salt. DB'ed the best I could and will move on.
Your thread actually sounded a bit creepy. It's obvious from y0our post that your only reason why you have your W cutting your hair is because its your way of getting some kind of "physical" touch from her. It's a little weird.
Again, you need to start acting like your own man again. Stop having her cut your hair. Not only are you allowing her to mold you into the way SHE wants to, but you are also not showing her a "different" side of you.
Let's face it, she's doing more with the OM than cutting his hair.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Bond You are good at handing out 2x4's. That will be the last time she cuts my hair in this sitch. I was mislead thinking we were making more progress then we were, I was very wrong. OM is still very much around and may be picking up steam. I wish I could swing a db coach but I just can't, so I really need to rely on ya'll for advice. Gonna go dark for a awhile and monitor the results.
It concerns me that you are in strong pursuit even when she shoves her A in your face.
Quote:
My heart drops. I say "oh who's with ya." She responds without hesitation "OM." What a slap in the face.
Yes, it is a big slap! When a woman is this bold and apparently hasn't any guilt to tell you OM is with her that very minute....as she's talking to you.....then she has very little respect for her H.
How much more does she need to do before you stop chasing her? You see, you saw the night at her GP as some kind of success, but I don't see it at all. She wasn't looking at you and smiling......not really.....she was putting on a show for her GP. She was giving them what they wanted to see.
Sorry if I'm negative....I don't try to be, but I do try to be realistic. I was a WAW in an EA and headed for a PA, and I can tell you that pursuing her is just making it worse.
You've got to leave her alone and make a life for yourself that doesn't include her. Until you're able to do that much, I don't believe you will be very happy.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi I am so disappointed in how I have allowed myself to slip lately. I got sucked back in to an old, unproductive way. Need to shake her grip and really see my path without her. I am going to take my D2 up north this weekend by my folks. Gonna meet some friends out friday night and ice fish on saturday. She will get no contact out of me. Thanks for the shot of reality everyone. This forum is a life saver
IW, when you do feel yourself slip, don't feel bad. Learn from it and move forward. We all slip up.
Your plan for the weekend sounds perfect, get out and have some fun. One thing is for certain, all the craziness will still be there if you ever want to return to it. The question becomes, why do we want to go back to the craziness? And if we don't want to, then why do we?
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I think that it would be very easy to slip back into pursuing habits and maybe not be aware of it. That's why I feel it's necessary to turn the flashlight on and point it out.
I hope you can go for the rest of this week without making contact with her and just think of the fun weekend ahead.
BTW, have an answer prepared if she contacts you again about spending the weekend with her. Not an "excuse", but an answer that states, "I have decided _________". She may not take kindly to being rejected, but that's okay. She'll get over it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi and CS Good responses. I'm pretty positive she won't contact me about seeing her this weekend, but I am pretty sure that since I have our D2 this weekend, I will get a text from her. They usually read, "how is D2, I miss her." What should my response be?
I get the EXACT same thing when I have our D. I have been ignoring some, replying to others. If I do reply, I try to make sure a wait a decent amount of time, at least an hour. Then I keep the response as short as possible. Simply "Great!" or something like that.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
They usually read, "how is D2, I miss her." What should my response be?
You know, I just have a problem with people who want to leave the M and then have to call everytime their S has the kids!
Anyway, I'd suggest you not respond until D2 is sleeping b/c, after all, you don't spend your time on the computer when she's awake. Tell your W something like....."Don't worry, D2 is in good hands". I would not comment on the rest of her "woe is me" email.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
