A few days ago I noticed that my H had booked a hotel room in OW town. He never mentioned it, neither did I. Then yesterday I saw that he had used our reward points for a fancy hotel room in same town for Fri and Sat night. I saw this before we met for lunch. He never mentioned it. Finally last night, he said that he had to go to Tx for work (not uncommon) He didn’t know that I already new.
I “game played” and said I would go along. He came up with every excuse in the book. Oh, he had by then changed the password to the hotel account.
He was in complete panic mode this morning. We talked by phone on his way to the airport (he still doesn’t know that I suspect anything) and he was crying and sobbing telling me he doesn’t know what to think. He is afraid that my “ultra ego” will show up again in the future. We talked for 45 minutes. A lot was said.
I think I made a HUGE MISTAKE. I never said ILY, but kept saying “you know how I feel about you and that I don’t want a divorce, but only you can make this decision.”
He is obviously very confused. He said that this weekend apart might be a good thing, time to think it all over and that he would talk to me in a few days. My bad, said “I won’t hear from you for a few days?” He sighed. He also said something very troubling “If my decision isn’t what you want, how are you going to react, I mean do I need to make a reservation at the emergency room?”
This is going to be the hardest 4 days of my life. Thoughts/ideas????
He
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
You can't control him. You can't make him tell you the truth. As I see it you have some choices.
You can decide that every word that crosses his lips is the truth. You can decide that every word that crosses his lips is a lie. You can trust, but verify.
You can tell him that he broke your trust in his word. That's his problem, not yours. You can tell him that because his lies of the past are affecting your today, you no longer take his statements at face value.
This is a natural consequence of lying.
State your boundary : When you do _______. I feel _______. I want __________.
If you - a description of the behavior we find unacceptable (again being as descriptive as possible.) I will - a description of what action you will take to protect and take care of your self in the event the other person violates the boundary.
What will best reach your goal? What is your normal reaction? Do a 180 on it.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
My normal reaction would to begg, cry and get angry. I have all that boiling in me right now, but don't have the energy to act/react. What if he doesn't call me? i will be crushed at first then angry as all hell. I will take everything I have got not to contact him tonight, no call/no text...That is my only goal for today...not to make contact. My mind won't stop.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
call some friends up and go out tonight. Anything to keep yourself busy. I are too wrapped around this man. He is not your everything. What defines you as a person? Being enmeshed with another person is unhealthy.
Start doing things you like to do and stop focusing on what her H does. Stay dark and be mysterious.
You have low self esteem right now. Start exercising to regain your self confidence.
PLease don't make any contact while he's away.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
My goal is NO Contact...He just sent me a text telling me they are boarding the plane .
BIG QUESTION: When he walks through the door on Sunday do I ask him if he has come to a desion? Any desion has to be easier than this, or am I dreaming?
He did say he "Just doesn't know" I said, "when in doubt, don't make a decsion" He said, "I know that is why I sleep on the couch." Did I back slide??? feels like it. And really, why doesn't he stay at his own place (if he even has one)
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
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