MLC Purgatory

[meganna]

Hi, I'm new here and really wish I wasn't! I will try to explain my sitch as concisely as possible because it has been a 6 week roller coaster ride with so many twists and turns that I'm not even sure I've got it all straight. Here goes....

January 21- H tells me he thinks we need MC, he's not happy, we've lost our connection. He cites a comment I made in early December that I was concerned we are not a good match. I said that because he just hasn't been that into spending time with me and the kids and doing chores/projects around the house. Anyway, that comment apparently got him thinking and spiraling downward. He also has been doing research on D and says we fit the bill to get a D. I make an appt for that Thursday for MC. We go once, the next week he's sick so I go alone, the third week we go together and MC brings up his childhood. He gets very upset and even cries. No major trauma, but emotionally isolated parents and an uncle who he wished was his dad diagnosed with Asperger's and MIA for about 10 years now. A few days later I ask why he isn't making any effort to improve our R, he says he doesn't know if he want's to try. I convince him he should try hard for 3 months, then re-evaluate. He agrees. The next day, Valentine's Day, I get nothing from him. I ask what's up, and he says he thinks he needs to pursue IC before he can work on us. I say ok, good idea. We agree to go back to how we were (ok, no great) before he suggested MC. He is kissing me goodbye every morning and saying ILY. He is excited to begin IC, and I get my own IC. I try to be patient, not ask him stuff, not ask him to do anything, just kind of leave him alone. I try to remain upbeat, busy, etc. I find out a decrease in hours at work has been unexpectedly approved for me, and I tell him about it. I say I am worried about cutting my hours at this point and maybe I should take the full-time position available in my unit and put the kids in full time daycare. He says don't do anything that isn't necessary right now, and it may not be necessary ever. I feel better- that's a good sign, right? Well, fast forward 2 weeks to yesterday, when I found out through cell phone records that he has been having an A since 12/21, a whole month before suggesting MC and a couple weeks after my "not a good match" comment. I confront him and he tells me they have been talking and at first denies any physical stuff but with more questions admits to kissing OW. I am devastated. I tell him he needs to either stop talking to her and work on our R or move out. He spends many hours thinking and finally decides he wants us to separate so he can "work on himself, figure out what makes him happy, and how to have better relationships and be a better person." He does need to do those things, he is not good at relationships with his parents, his kids, me. He is a very selfish person and he admits it. I asked him if he thinks he's having a MCL and he laughed and said he had wondered the same thing. I also suggested he go see his doctor to see if he needs his meds adjusted. He has been taking a low dose of Zoloft since he started having panic attacks when I was pregnant with our first daughter 5 years ago. He said he probably should, but didn't say he would. At the end of the conversation he said he's sorry for everything and he will always love me.

So here I sit, not sure if he's moving out today or tomorrow or this weekend or what. Not sure if he will still continue his A and lead me on, not sure if he'll ever return. Not sure how I will tell our daughters, ages 2 and 4, and how I will protect them from being damaged by this. Not sure how I will get up each day and take care of business and the kids and myself and work. I wish I could just wake up from this nightmare.